I AM AWESOME.

I originally received this video from my sister. My girls and I watched it {more than once} and cried. It is so easy to lose focus, feel insecure, try to keep up with what society says is beautiful, and just not feel like enough. Whether you are a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend, or all that rolled into one... you are here for a reason... to be YOU, to be who God has placed you here to be, to touch the lives of those around you without fear or hesitation, to stand tall and proud of the woman you are in Him, and to have peace in knowing that NOTHING you face in a day- you face alone! YOU ARE AWESOME!

Thank You.

My husband and I hosted our first "Orphan Sunday"

 this past week. So, thank you so much to everyone at

 "Upon This Rock" Christian Church for the support, love and encouragement you have offered myself and my family 

in our journey of fostering, adopting, and advocating. Also, a huge thank you to each and every individual that has chosen to step up and be a blessing in the lives of others! 

...You all rock!

In Him.

147+ Million Orphans {in the world}

463,000 Orphans {in the United States}

14,608 Orphans (in Arizona}

3,000+ homeless {living in AZ shelters}

When it comes to the "orphan epidemic" we have a tendency to shrug it off as... someone else's problem. You know, it's for those people with the big hearts, the ones who have the time, resources and the desire to make a difference. But let's break down Proverbs 3:5 ...

"Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart,

 and lean not on your own understanding"

"...Leaning on our own understanding" will tell you that this orphan epidemic is beyond your control. That someone else has what it takes to make a difference. That raising someone else's child would be too hard. The birth moms got themselves into these messes. That you don't have what it takes to foster or adopt. That your life and schedule does not permit you to help out. However..

"...Trusting in the Lord your God with all your heart" will tell you that you can do ALL things through Christ that gives you the strength (Philippians 4:13)  It tells you that we are MORE than conquerors through Christ, who loves us (Romans 8:37)  That you are called, commanded and equipped as Christs followers to care for orphans and widows in their distress (James 1:27) That whether or not birth moms made choices to put them in these situations, you are the hands and feet of Christ and, more than likely the only love and chance at redemption that they may ever know (Galatians 5:13) That your life is no longer your own... When you chose to follow Christ, your life should have began to look more like Him and less like you, focusing on others and doing as the bible commands you to do in His word- to see there is a problem, and act (Proverbs 24:12)

Long time, No post.

I have not been posting as often as I had planned to, or wanted to. We have had family in town from New Jersey, 2 weeks of fall break, foster kids court dates, case worker visits, 2 weeks fall break, counseling sessions, agency meetings, trips to the zoo, more family in town, s'mores making with neighbors, sick babies, church planning meetings, and all the other fun life happenings of a family of 9! Life is busy and wonderful all rolled into one these days. Sometimes as I look back over the past year, or even 6 months, it blows my mind how much my family dynamics, my focus, my mind and heart has changed. When I first began fostering (5 years ago) I really just wanted a sweet little baby to adopt and keep forever. I used the infamous line of, "I could never foster a baby and give it back, it would be too hard on me". However, as time has gone on I have a completely different view on the whole thing. Our first placement was Skyler (at 2 days old), and fortunately, we did keep and adopt him. He has been an amazing addition to our family. But... we have also had several others that we got to love on, attach to, bond with and they did move on. There have been several littles loves that we have had to say "good bye" to, but not one we would not have cared for if we had known then that that would be the out come of the situation. We currently are fostering a little guy that we got at 6 months old and he (last month) turned 1. He is gorgeous, happy, funny, snuggly and stole all our hearts from the get go! We knew shortly after taking him in that we would be more than willing to be his "forever family" if that became an option. Well, to spare some confidential case details and make a long story short- there is a chance that he will be going home in the long run. Here's the thing- it doesn't devastate me. I love him like I am his mama, however, the way my heart aches for where his birth mom is in life, I pray daily that she can get things turned around! I pray that I can be used, in any way, to help her know she is not alone and that she CAN do this! Reunification is always the initial goal in all cases in the Arizona foster care system. And, to be honest, in looking out for the child's best interest... being able to be raised by their mother and knowing she did all she had to do to have them back, would be just that. It's such a bitter sweet process- foster care. But the way it has taken my eyes off of me, I feel more blessed then any child that was able to come into my home. They received our affection, a warm bed, meals, and support- but I got a whole new heart... towards them and their mothers. As much as I love them and desire to keep them, they will always love their mothers and desire to have her holding them. As much as I want them to be my child, they will always be hers. One of my older foster sons has left me a few "love notes" on how much I mean to him, he calls me "mommy", he cuddles with me and (even after having been in time out a few times over) tells me I am the best mom ever! However, he also asks me if his mom can just give him "just one more hug"!?!? She hurt him, put him in harms way, neglected him and even abandoned him... yet, in his heart, he will always love her and have a bond with her as his mother!  Being a mother can be hard, and if you are one you know this first hand. Now try imagining being one having been born addicted, abandoned by your parents, raped repeatedly, aging out the system with no one to turn to, going from guy to guy to merely have a place to sleep at night, and using just to make all you memories and pain disappear for a short period of time. Some of these moms don't deserve to be written off until they have been given the chance at mothering that they deserved from the very start, but never got. They haven't had the love and support of a family, the stability of a home, or even been told how valuable they are- that they actually deserve better! So, if you are a mother, and you don't feel, at this time, that you can open your home to a child... why not opening your hearts to walking along side a mother? Being a support, a voice of hope and an encouragement. I have found that completely giving of yourself... somehow leaves you more full and complete. Probably because -that's what we were created to do. 

 Foster care is extremely sacrificial, 

yet in such a rewarding way.

Christian?

I have struggled, for years, with going to church and being a christian... to me, none of it made sense! I got good at "playing the part", while on the inside I grew colder and colder to all of it. I eventually reached my breaking point, where pretending was not cutting it. However, in breaking is where I really began to push aside what I had always been told and decided to figure it out for myself. I began to realize why a lot of it made no sense to me... because it really doesn't make sense! If the church is the "BODY" of Christ, made up of "CHRISTIANS"- who are supposed to be striving to be like the Christ they claim to follow, then why isn't that how it actually is?! We are awesome at holding to the traditions of our specific denominations and keeping with the routine of attending weekly services, keeping our children and our little families "unstained from the world", and doing coffee or barbecues with friends of similar morals. Where was this Christ's mission?! The Christ I have come to know and read about was a friend of sinners, a healer of the sick (mentally, physically and emotionally), a provider of food to the hungry, a father to the fatherless, a comforter to the broken. Of course the church and Christianity of today made no sense to me... because we have created our own safe, comfortable, catering version of it. I found no point in it all because... there was no point. We are called to be more of a hospital than a social club. Why aren't the "Christians" the one stepping up when a family falls apart... when a woman has abandoned her kids because she has hit rock bottom... when we see someone sleeping on a bench... when the state is overwhelmed doing a job WE were called to do!? I have been reading more books and sermons by Francis Chan and David Platt. It has been both eye opening and frustrating. We have totally settled for a religion customized to fit our schedule, preferences and comfort levels. 
          Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple 
             must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.
In following Him we are to daily deny ourselves. In following Him we are going about His business. How much of an impact would churches have if that all actually decided to adhere to the teachings of the God they all claim to serve?! I we SERVE Him why do not obey his commands in BEING "the body"? Living our lives for him and not self? Instead of a trip to the mall- go volunteer to just hold one of the thousands of little ones that currently live in the shelters in Arizona, instead of making that extra room into a guest/toy/office room- open it to an orphan, instead of that new pair of jeans or shoes for you- offer to buy a kid in a group home a pair, instead of redoing another room in your house- lend a hand and a voice of hope to the OVERWHELMING number of moms and dads out there that don't have a home, instead of out casting that person who is struggling in her walk- walk along side her. Its time we step up and be the church and the Christians and have been called to be. We keep ourselves to unstained by the world that we have absolutely no impact on them!  There is only one of me, and in deciding to make my "Christian life" resemble that of the Christ I claim to follow... its been a lonely road... but I still chose it daily- KNOWING that I am making a difference in the lives of those around me. Knowing that I am being and doing. And praying that my life, my voice,  the change and hope in me and choices I now make can impact others to chose to do the same! 

An amazing message in this song! Self worth was something I always used to struggle with. This week has been a rough one for me from no AC (still), a husband with shingles, 2 teething infants, a stomach bug passing through the house and a little foster son that had me in tears.... talking about how he KNOWS his mom leaving him was his fault- she doesn't love him- the police are after him because of all he has seen- and that he will just always be lied to and left, because that's how its always been! I pray that through becoming a part of our family and experiencing Gods love, through us... that he regains some of the self worth and innocence he has been robbed of! I tell him how awesome he is, that he is safe, that we are here for him NO MATTER what, but I pray for that day when he can believe that for himself!!

Inconvenient Obedience

The past two and a half weeks the biggest challenge for my kids has been obedience. We always have an "adjustment period" when new kiddos move in and within a few days of that transpiring we also started our school year off. Lots of change makes for lots of challenges. I have prayed and thought of various ways to help make this bump in the road a little more manageable. I have been consistent with consequences (as exhausting as it can be!) and we have also established before and after school routines... to get homework done and to cut down on chaos. It's been much smoother lately, thank you God. Well, there is point to all this. Why is it my kids disobey? Wouldn't it be easier to just listen and avoid a consequence? Don't they see that putting each other first simply makes sense?! Hmmm. Well, isn't that how we all operate with God? I am pretty sure if we all sat and read scripture it's pretty obvious what He expects from us, yes out of our own selfish desires, we go about our days consumed with what works for us. It has really struck me while reading, "Orphan Care" by Johnny Carr (highly recommend this book, by the way) how my children's selfish motives and disobedience are pretty much that of the church... just on a larger scale- which just means more people are affected by it! I would like to share some pieces I pulled from Mr. Carr's book, ones that make you say "ouch!"

"The overwhelming message here is simple: As Jesus' disciples, we are called to live sacrificially so we can live generously."

"We need Orphaned-focused Sundays, but we also need far more-- we need Orphaned-focused churches.Choosing to stand by and do nothing while we see injustice, suffering and evil is wrong. It is sin. We must take active steps to care for orphans. To do anything less is blatant disobedience."

"And He beckons us to leave the comfort of our cushioned pews to reach out in love to those children who are enslaved."

"All around the world, children cry out at night for parents who are gone. They have names, faces, and dreams, but no families."

"More than just write a check, Gods word challenges us to invite the poor an the needy into our everyday lives."

"Poverty is not a social justice issue for government to figure out. It is an invitation to each one of us to reach out in humble gratitude for how God has rescued us, not forgetting our own poverty and desperate need for Him. If we truly want to break the cycle of poverty and homelessness, we must start with our own hearts."

"A few weeks after returning home from China, Beth and I learned that one of the infant in the orphanage- the one in my nightmares- had dies of starvation because of her cleft lip and open palate. The cost of the surgery to save the child's life: $250. Trying to balance 10 million dollars {for a church building project}, $250, and the value of 1 human life kept me up many nights!"

"Adoption is not for everyone, but caring for orphans is for everyone!"

"We frequently focus on keeping ourselves unstained, but we often fail in the area of taking care of orphans and widows."

"We can not settle for cheap solutions because we as Christ's followers have a responsibility before God to act and, more importantly, to keep acting!"

Just as my children have a tendency to only think of themselves when making a decision... we too have become too comfortable with doing the same. However, for us and the church as a whole, its not just the simple issue of not sharing a toy or pushing someone else aside to be first. For us its a life style and a way of thinking that effect how we react, effects those suffering around us and, in a bigger picture, is the example we are setting for our children. I pray that my children can SEE, KNOW AND FEEL Gods love through me- not just by being able to climb into their own warm beds having clean sheets, or a warm dinner on the table... but by how I choose to react to the hurting, suffering, desperate world around me. We can tell them they should help, but unless they see that example being set (as a life style not a one time basis) by us- they will be as effective as we are! Its time for the church, as a whole, to be obedient to the call that God has placed upon each and every one of us. We can all do something. Its when we "choosing to do nothing" that we need to look at our hearts.
 "The one who shuts his ears to the poor will himself also call out and not be answered." Proverbs 21:13
"If you offer yourself to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted one, then your light will shine in the darkness, and your night will be like noonday." Isaiah 58:10

How are you, your family, and your church BEING the body of Christ, outside of your own comfort zone!? 

Challenge yourselves to step out in some   inconvenient obedience!!

Back 2 School

Today was the first day of school for us! I was both looking forward to it (because of routine of it all) and dreading it (because I miss my kiddos). This year I have Aivahlis in 4th grade, Talia and Anthony in 1st and Sky, for one more year, in a therapeutic PreSchool program. My 3 older kiddos started today with a whole mix of emotions! Aivahlis, after meeting teacher on monday night and learning that their class pet was a bearded dragon (and that she was granted dibs on naming it this year), was excited and ready to get this year started! This was a huge blessing for me being that she is normally the one with big anxieties when it come to any sort of change. Talia is my "go getter" and pretty much wakes up knowing she can take on the world! This year she even had the big responsibility of introducing Anthony to "her school" and helping him feel at ease. Talia was blessed this year with he return of Aivahlis's teacher from last year (Mrs. Keyes was not supposed to be there this year but ended up returning as the new 1st grade teacher). This teacher was wonderful, kind hearted and we adored her and we were very excited to learn that Talia AND Anthony would have her this year! Talia was excited to go but unsure of what first grade would be like. Then there is Anthony... he has been saying for days that he does NOT want to go. He has had everyone in his life prove to him that places and people are not constant and that people are unreliable. He has seen way more than I have have or will and his insecurities are present daily! He is a sweetheart that has not deserved what he has been through. I cry often, praying that God heals him of his hurts and fears, knowing personally how hard it is to not deal, but carry it through life, trying to just be ok. I pray that we can make a difference in his and his sisters lives, showing them the love of God (unconditional and constant). I have assured him that I am not here to take the place of his mother (the woman that he still loves and misses!) I am simply here to love on him, keep him safe and to let him know how awesome I think he is! He was not ready for yet another change and was scared of school work, knowing he is behind, he e insisted that he does not like school! Well, this picture pretty much expressed everyone's TRUE feelings on today...

Well, long story short... after lots of prayers, hugs and kisses and a day of learning... these 3 all had a wonderful day! Anthony even decided that he just may like school after all! God is already at work in this little mans life. I am blessed to have such amazing kiddos that are so willing to step up for these foster/adoptive children, to open their home, to share their mommy and daddy, and to be Christs hands extended! They are already making a difference in this world!!!

My Own Little World

This song is pretty awesome... the lyrics of it. About looking beyond our own little world,

seeing the bigger picture, looking beyond ourselves, living for the greater purpose-

 having our hearts break for what breaks HIS!!!

Move on in... And stay forever!

Clean out craft closet, move toy box to living room, clean out ALL bedroom closets, purchase bedding, transfer beds from each room into new location, down size toy bins in each room, add expedit shelving and more dinnerware to my IKEA list, pick up and fill out school registration papers, school shopping for a fourth Dahlman student, etc, etc, etc.

Oh... Just a few of the million and one things on my "to do" list that must be accomplish by Saturday. Breathing deep! We got a call asking us if we would take on 2 sweethearts that will be going into adoption soon. A good friend of ours (Monika) that we have very recently come to know and adore is their current foster placement- however, she is an amazing single Mom and is lisenced for "foster only". In spending time with Monika we have been blessed to get to know 2 siblings (ages 6 and 1) and they have become very special to us, our whole family adores them. The 6 year old has seen and been through so much already and needs a good, stable home to grow up in- knowing he is loved, safe, and that no matter what, he is an incredible young man. His little sister can melt you with her big baby blues alone!
So- come Saturday we will be a family of nine and heading, once again, down the road of adoption. It is a process that changes not only the child/children's lives, becoming part of a forever family--- but even more so the adoptive family that has opened their hearts and their home to these little ones in need. It is an incredible journey of faith, grace, hope, mercy, selflessness and blessings! I have been asked several times in the last few days, "have you lost your mind?!" Why yes, yes I have lost mine. I no longer think for myself and about the "me" factor of it all. I pray daily for God to use me and to see how things are falling into place at such a fast pace leaves me in awe of God and how, when you let Him lead, He works it a out for the good. The less I focus on me, the more fulfilled life becomes.
Here is to a crazy me pursuing Gods will in my life, my family's life, not just telling my kids we serve a Big amd awesome God that can change lives- but showing them, and to making a difference in this world and in the life of "orphans"!

Tunnel Vision

 My kids and I have been going to the summer movies at Harkins this summer and it concerns me, each week, how a our foster babies will handle sitting through it. One fell asleep on me while the other enjoyed a snack in the stroller, then when the sleeper woke up we did a quick switcheroo and the other one fell asleep on me while the previous sleeper enjoyed a bottle. With one foot rocking the stroller, one foot rocking the sleeper, one arm holding  a baby and the other arm being hugged by my sweet boy (3 yrs). I was in full mommy mode. I loved the movie playing this week, "Charlotte's Web" is a classic! Well, movie ended and we all headed back out to our vehicle. It's Arizona and it's July! Its that time of year where we are enduring the triple digits, the humidity while awaiting a good monsoon, the sweat beads that begin to form and roll down your face... just buckling kids into the car (or more like bus, for me). I had 4 of my 6 in and had 2 more in the stroller to go. I was getting hot and impatient, just as the woman walking up to the vehicle next to me hit the remote on her key chain and her van doors slid open. "Seriously!?" I heard myself saying out loud. Now I was stuck, couldn't move my door without hitting hers, and still had 2 infants sitting, in the stroller, in the heat, on the other side of my door. Man did she inconvenience me. Didn't she know I was sweating and trying to load up 6 kids?!

 {insert heart check}

Driving home I passed by a man with a long white beard, scraggly white hair, and filthy from head to toe, carrying a duffle bag. As I passed by, with my air conditioning blowing on me, my water bottle at my side, my iPhone gently rested in the cup holder beside it, along with a console crevice filled with spare change and  my well dressed and freshly bathed children in their car seats, all with full bellies and the security of a mommy and a daddy's love... I began to pray, "Lord, please be  with that man! Send some one to.....   I stopped. I began again, "Lord, please be with that man! Send some one to.....      I was that "someone"! And that someone was taking all her blessings for granted as she drove by the very person that she had been sent to bless. I drove up the road a little ways to a park where my kids play, knowing there is a vending machine there. I grabbed up $2 in quarters and got 2 cold gatorades. I turned around and headed back down the road but I was not seeing this man so I drove up the next road, then back down again. I decided to head back towards home and ... there he was, red faced, sweating and still walking down the road. I did a u-turn and pulled over. As I put my window down he seemed very hesitant to approach. I held up the gatorades and asked him to please take them, its hot out! He smiled a toothless grin and thanked me. As I drove away my 6 year old commented, "wow mommy, that was really sweet of you... he's already drinking the blue one!"
I began to sob. All I could say was,"but now what?! now where does he sleep?! We all go to our nice big home, we eat our filling lunch, and he is still out here, alone and homeless." I cried the rest of the way home, and even now as I type. I am the one that was sent to help this man and all I could do was buy him gatorade!?!? How can we as "christians" (striving to be like Christ) miss the very calling that accompanies that title!?!? We have tunnel vision. We walk through life striving to build our only little worlds into picture perfect perfection, that we cant see the world around us. We are so accustomed to living a blessed life that its what we have come to expect.
"I doesn't fit into my schedule"
"My home isn't big enough"
"That wouldn't work for my family"
"We just don't have the means to do that"
"They got themselves there"
Wow. We are good at justifying why we cant carry out the very message we claim to believe in. I am guilty of it. But the more I pray to be used by God, the more he makes me uncomfortable in the THINGS that we all take for granted and make priority over serving and the more He breaks my heart for what breaks his! I pray that I continue to see the world around me, that my priorities are HIS priorities, and that I do NOT live life with tunnel vision (only  focused on what I chose to see)... because even though the homeless, hungry, orphaned and hurting are not sitting on our comfy, suburban doorstep... we are still called to step out of our comfort zones and DO!

Eyes opened, Now act.

Well, we (as in just my family of 6) took a long weekend and enjoyed some family time, beaches in California, and the simple joys of road trippin'! It was a wonderful time of fun and memories! We definitely favored Pacific Beach and Sea Port Village- although all the rocks, gorgeous cliffs, and getting to see all the seals on the beach at La Jolla was pretty awesome. My girls had been doing extra chores around the house in the months leading up to our trip and were very proud to purchase themselves some souvenirs! We had a chance to see crabs on the beach and even catch a hermit crap. The kids enjoyed eating lobster, as well as the big bibs that we all had to wear while doing so (which the boys then wore down the boardwalk, backwards, as super hero capes!) We look forward to another trip, however, this time with our faster babies in tow because we all missed them terribly! As awesome as our vacation was, Chris and I spent a lot of time focusing on our goals as a couple and how to make them happen. We are focused on taking in little ones and making a difference in their lives, our goals are centered around that. Life is never more rewarding than when you loose yourself in service to others!

 

 And... "real life" kicked in faster than anticipated! We got a couple calls from our agency while away... the system was being overwhelmed with children needing homes. We were asked to take on an 11 month old boy about 10 minutes before even pulling into our driveway! I did my best to get all our little ones unloaded, bathed and fed, car unpacked, and laundry started before they brought him to us. People think I am crazy when I take on more little ones, truth is... I think its even crazier that most can go about their comfortable, everyday life, without even a thought to the fact that there are 14,000 kids in the AZ system alone! Thinking that the little ones being removed from their homes- hungry, no clothes, scared, abused, filthy, neglected- are someone else's problem. Going day to day consumed with themselves, their clothing, their next home project, and nothing beyond the 4 walls of their own home. Don't get me wrong... caring for your family is a wonderful thing! But why does it stop there?! We are called, chosen, and sent to be the hands, feet, and heart of Christ. It is not always an easy transition to take on little ones but the heart it has given my children for the little ones we take in, the difference we are making, the example we are setting and the love we are sharing makes it beyond worth it! This little guy that came to us last night one of 4 siblings of a homeless, substance abusing, pregnant mother. He was scared, hungry and exhausted--- came into the system naked and dirty--- and into our home with a mere 5 diapers (which the state worker had grabbed for him) and nothing else. He is one of THOUSANDS in care right now needing just ONE person to step up... opening their arms, heart, and home. What are YOU going to do to help!?!?
                                 

Fathers Day

Our super hero, and his sidekicks!

Yes, I know, this is coming a day late... but still from the heart. Yesterday we celebrated the "Daddy" in our house. He not only is an amazing father to his own children but also goes above and beyond as a father to little ones without a father. I have always had a desire to foster but Chris's heart to do the same amazes me. He loves, supports, wrestles, laughs with and cares for these children as though they are his own. It is rare to find a man like that! Too many fathers are completely absent or just never around... it takes an incredible guy to step up and fill that gap! This year we chose a "Super Hero" theme... being that Chris is nothing shy of just that! He goes above and beyond the call of duty, saves the day, and is our very own Super Hero Daddy! So, a very HUGE and well deserved "happy fathers day" to Chris! We love you!!!

"My daddy is my Super Hero because...."

AivahLis: "Because he works so hard for us!"

Skyler: "Because he is an awesome daddy!"

Christopher: "Because he is my best friend!"

Talia: "Because he makes me laugh!"

Another Year Older

Today I turn 31. It's funny because last year I dreaded turning 30!! It just sounded SO old. However, it ended up being the HARDEST year of my life and worth every second of it. I have grown mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically! Every tear, pain, hurtle and trial brought me closer to God, my husband, and my family... in a genuine way. I struggled with self worth, people pleasing, and knowing God beyond the rules and regulations I thought I was to uphold. Now, I walk through stores and restaurants with my 7 littles knowing I am stared at like a freak and... smiling, knowing that my hearts desire is being lived out through foster care and adoption and I accredit that to no one else but God and his work in my life.  I look forward to spending my 31st year with the amazing friends and family, by my side, that have been my rocks, support and prayer warriors. I thank God for everyone in my life, the precious foster babies, an awesome church family, and the blessings and opportunities that still lie ahead. Dealing, healing and growing was worth every painful second and I thank God he brought me to that point in my life, despite the mistakes and pain it took to get me there! I pray that if you are struggling... you don't wait another day to deal. There is never a "right time" or even a "good time".... because, either way, its going to SUCK! But, I would much rather live life with a genuine smile on my face then live it like I was, smiling on the outside and falling apart FAST on the inside. Don't get me wrong, I struggle! I have days where I feel like I am falling apart again. However, knowing where I was (at the bottom and ready to call it quits on life) in comparison to where I am today-I KNOW I have what it takes. Its a daily battle worth fighting and the struggles just makes me that much stronger in the end. So, here is to another wonderful year filled with hurtles, hardships, babies, blessings, trials, tests, love, life, smiles, friends and family! Bring on 31!

Overlapping Dynamics

Well, today was an adventure! And by "adventure"... I mean nothing shy of a circus. My day began bright and early at 5:45am when little Mr. N decided that if the sun was up, he needed to be too. But, he rises just like the sun, bright and cheerful! He is now 8 months old and sporting his 24 month onesies. But every inch and pound of him is happy, smiley and fun! Anyway, By 6 am I had squeezed in a shower and was getting him a bottle and the rest of the house breakfast. My dynamics currently consist of my 9 and 6 year old girls, my 4 and 3 year old boys and our 3 foster kiddos 2 years, 1 year and 8 months. However, we were asked to watch the precious twins we fostered from birth to 4 months old (who are now 5 months old) from today until Sunday. Heck yes! We miss those precious babies! So, by 8am I had 9 kids (7 of them 4 and under!) Ummm, yup, I called in for some back up. By 8:30am my awesome baby sitter, Lexi was at my door! Between her and I we made it through the day and I must say, WE ROCKED IT! There was plenty of diapers, feedings and fun- but overall, it was a great day! Lex... you rock! By 2:30pm two of our foster babies were heading off to visit their soon to be adoptive parent for the weekend so... I was back down to my norm of 7 kiddos. All I can say is that if I wasn't prayed up, I know that this day would not have been as blessed, fun and manageable as it was. So, thank you God for your strength, peace and using me to love on the 9 kids you brought into my home (via birth, adoption, and fostering)!!!I must say that I have found, through definite trial and error, that putting my own desires and self aside and pouring into the lives of others is the way I choose to live my everyday and the true key to happiness.

Birth Mothers

                      

The past couple of days my heart has been weighing heavy for the birth moms behind each child we are fostering. We became aware of a recent (horrific) situation leading to the hospitalization of one of the birth moms, while another has been missing for months and another sitting in jail for a year and a half awaiting her deportation trial. As a mom, knowing how deep the love for your child runs, from the moment you hold them for the first time and  lay your eyes on their precious little face. If you are a mother, you now this feeling I am referring to. You know that there is nothing you wouldn't do for your child's safety and happiness. So, why are we so quick to assume it is any different for the birth moms of these little ones in the system? These woman gave birth, loved their children with everything in them... then somewhere along the line, hit rock bottom. Whether we who have our children struggle with anger and forgiveness, eating disorders, alcoholism, infidelity, or even self worth... we all have days where we feel that we have hit rock bottom. Lucky for us, we all have someone to turn to and even the knowledge of God- to cry out to for the healing or even the strength we need to endure another day! Most of the mothers whose children we have fostered or adopted have been trying to keep their heads above water all by themselves. Scared, hurting, abused... alone! We are quick to run with the preconceived idea that, "well, they screwed up so it serves them right to lose their child!" Fact being, we all screw up and if God has extended His unconditional grace to us in our darkest hour... who are we to pick and chose who deserves it and doesn't?! We are all alive, breathing and capable of helping those around us that NEED us. Most of us "mothers" are pleased to just raise "our children" and if we have fed them organic food, clothed them in the trendiest threads, and told them we loved them... mission accomplished! However, what about the moms who cant even give their kids a slice of 99 cent white bread for dinner, who is laying in a hospital bed because she was just used- abused-stabbed and beaten by yet another man she was hoping would just love her, who just dumped her baby on a door step because she couldn't handle it on her own anymore, who was born a drug baby- abandoned by her own mother-abused by her uncle who raised her and left alone to deal with the pain?!?!? Yup... these are all situation of moms of little ones in my home. I have been fostering these little ones and doing my best to love on them yet... what about their moms?!?! Why have I not even thought, up to this point, about how much they need someone?!?! I have hit rock bottom in my life. I turned to my God, my amazing husband, my loving family and unconditional friends. And that's where the difference lies... I have people in my life to encourage me when I feel like I am falling apart, to support me in my decisions, and to see beyond my mistakes and love me anyway! These moms have hit rock bottom and  stay there. Who are we to assume that they are not our problem?! If you are reading this post and you consider yourself a follower of Christ.... These woman ARE our problem and our responsibility. We are blessed to have the life we have, the friends and family in our lives. Its time we roll up our sleeves, put someone before ourselves and pray for a heart that breaks for the very things that breaks Gods heart... the lost, hurting and broken!

                              

Rockin' The Variety Show!

Aivahlis participated in her school variety show yesterday. She tried out with about 60 other children and made it into the show of 20 kids. You go girl!!! She chose one of my (more recently) favorite songs- "Gold" by Britt Nicole. This song is a daily reminder to remember how amazing you are despite you circumstances, what others tell you, or even what you tell yourself! This is a daily struggle for most young girls and that is mainly because ... their mothers struggle with the same thing. We, as adults, don't want to seem "proud" or even "conceited" so we assume it's normal for us to be hard on ourselves. Yet, on the flip side, we want our children to know AND believe how amazing they are! Well, you got to practice what you preach because as the saying goes, "actions speak louder than words!" This has been a HUGE challenge for me personally. I tell me girls how smart, kind, and beautiful they are, that God made them to ROCK this world for Him... NOW and everyday. So guess what- I tell myself the same thing and do my best, daily, to stand firm on that!!! I pray for you, your children, myself, and my children that you know and believe that you are worth MORE than gold!!!

Science Fair

With the end of the school year only 3 days away, events, programs and projects are in full swing! Today was AivahLis's school science fair. She decided that she needed to look the part! So, she headed out this morning all geared up and ready to present her project. She has grown into such a beautiful and intelligent young lady, with a huge heart! She did an amazing job on the experiment and it's presentation. She did crystallized egg geodes and the effects of a black light on the various geodes. Congratulations, my Love!

 

Kindergarten Grad!

              Congratulations to our beautiful, Talia! 

Last night she graduated kindergarten. She participated in the performance of, "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" and did a fabulous job with her speaking part. We are proud or her hard work this year (including recently making it into the 100s club and scoring a 110% all every spelling test she took!). Words can not describe how much of a blessing she is! Her humor, determined personality and loving heart are just a few of her many amazing attributes.                      

                    Go rock first grade, Sugar!!!

I gotta let it go.

Tonight, I just needed to post my family's memory verse from last week. I had quite the day dealing with the state, ALL my children (biological, adopted and foster) and a whole bunch of other emotion stirring "fun stuff" thrown my way. But, as I erased last weeks verse to fill in a new one... It was more personal, because it's something I have to do, daily!

"Give all your worries to God, because He cares about you!"

 1 Peter 5:7

So, this is me, giving it to God and putting a weakness out there. I can lay my head down tonight KNOWING He cares about me and that He will fight my battles, big and small. Whether my problem is a violent/angry toddler, or bigger problems I face... I have been told to give it to God. And why not, I don't want them to begin with anyway! Whatever it is YOU have, whether it seems small and stupid or it consumes you inside and out... 1 Peter 5:7! Yup... easier said than done. But, here's to a new day tomorrow (absolutely not problem free, I am sure) but knowing God cares and doing my best to trust Him in that. Wait! Notice I said "my best"?!
Because I know that when the storms rage... worry and emotions TOTALLY rage right along with that. 

But, every trial, battle and situation is a new opportunity to breath deep, stand strong,
try again and give it to God!

Mother's Day 2013

Happy Mothers Day!!!

 To all the moms, foster moms and adoptive moms!!!! 

I am dedicating this song in two ways. First, as a testimony... my testimony. I have, with God, been able to "let go of control (the pain, the voices, the striving for perfection as wife/mommy/friend/etc) I have learned that I am more than enough and am created for an awesome purpose that only I can fill. And second, I dedicate this song to the girls and woman (including a dear friend that weighs heavy on my heart daily, whether she wants to or not) that still struggle on a daily basis. Its time to let go, let the pieces fall. Until we try to stop holding all our broken pieces together... God cant pick them up and make them whole again. This past year of my life has been the hardest I have ever faced. I hated every, painful moment of healing, dealing, and letting go. BUT, I would not trade any of it knowing where it has brought me, my marriage and my family to today! So, here's to letting go of control.

Only possible,with Him!

Well, where do I begin/ Life has kind of been a blur lately and I have not posted in a while. I will do my best at an update and will try my best to keep from getting "all up in your face" about some issues. I have always had a passion for foster care, orphans, etc. But I can tell you that over the past few weeks... its kicked up 10 notches! We, as most of you know, have 4 amazing children (one we had the privilege to adopt through foster care). In the beginning of January we took on crack/STD exposed twins. Then, last week, a sweet 7 month old boy (who had been a victim of neglect) with a smile and giggle that can make anyone's day, joined our crew. Yup, we were at 7 kids... 6 of them 4 and under! It definetly had its challenges .. mainly in the fact that I have 3 car seats, only 2 arms and yet 3 trips to the school and back in one day. Other than that... we were rolling with it! I was asked how I do it?! I was asked when am I supposed to ever have "me time"?! Annnnnnd, this is where the "all up in your face" beings to emerge ;-) Here's the thing... at what point are we commanded to "thou shalt prop up thine feet and sip a latte"?! At what point does it say that we are to feed the hungry, clothe the poor ONLY if it works to our convience... or fits into our schedule!?!

 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 1 Peter 4:10

 My "me time" comes into play when I get to shower AND shave my legs in one shot. The more I give of myself, the less I think about ME, the more satisfied I am. And no, that's not just me... that's how it works. I spent several years of my life focused on me... I was not a good enough mommy or wife. I was never thin enough or pretty enough. I was so unhappy with myself that it started to spill out of me. However, now, busier than ever, I know who I am in Christ (chosen, forgiven, redeemed, hopeful, strong, a masterpiece). Do I have moments of feeling overwhelmed?!? HECK-TO -THE-YES! But that is where my resources come in: an incredibly (hot and) supportive husband, forgiving children, wonderful friends, an encouraging church family and ... Gods word to remind me who I am in Him, what He has called me to do, and that He's got my back every step of the way. No wait, let me reword that- He does not just have my back... some days he has to pretty much drag me and pick me up and carry me through my day- but that's just it... He does. I am being faithful in what He has called each on of us to do and He is faithful in sustaining me. 

⁵ “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit;apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶ If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷ If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. ⁸ This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. John 15:5-8

While being over our legal limit of the number of children under 4 that we have in our home, we were called about taking in a toddler sibling set that was heading to the shelter. The state is so desperate for homes for these children! Take a second and just think about how you, in any way, open your home, even if its to just 1 child. Yeah, its inconvenient on some days that I cant just run into the store and grab some milk or that we are the traveling circus while in public... but why, in any manner, should the "quality" of my life matter any more than the lives of all these little ones who have to go to shelters because we wont step up and just let 1 sleep in our home? Or the little ones who have nightmares because they were separated from their parents, then their siblings and had witnessed such violence in their home that they cant even show on the evening news?! I can honestly say that "christians" have really lost focused... we spend our days focused on what our kids are wearing, what our pant size is, what church we attend based off how it makes us feel, how we appear to others... and not even 5 minutes of our time thinking about the fact that children are being burned, molested, starved, abandoned. So, when people ask me "are you crazy? why would you take on more kids!?" I smile, I hold my tongue. But, here is my chance to respond- how can I not? If more people aren't going to step up and help, then I guess its just going to remain a bigger task on the minority that actually will. Yeah, I get heated on the topic... I just see a serious problem with simple answer.

Well, to wrap it all up {breathing deep, stepping off soap box} I would like to add in that the precious little twins that we have been blessed to care for for the past 4 months have been packed up and brought to a foster (hopefully adoptive) home with their older siblings. I have an awesome friend, with a huge heart that has adopted several children and is hoping to keep these siblings all together in the long run. So, big picture it is a great thing... but, it was also an emotional  one. This is where I get to practice what I preach and remember that- I am not doing this for me. The few tears I shed can never come close to compare to the tears that foster kids shed in the trauma they endure. So, my hat goes off to Rod and Amy and the wonderful thing she is doing in taking them. And tomorrow brings a new adventure for the Dahlman Circus.... A trip to a Phoenix shelter to pick up a sibling set (a 1 year old girl and a 2 year old boy). The things that they have been through break my heart! Please pray for them, this transition, and our family. 

Take a moment to say, "God, here I am, use me!" But only if you mean it, because He will!

The Parent Rap

Do It For Them!

The past few weeks have been some trying ones... emotionally, mentally and physically. It kicked off with 5 of my 6 kiddos being sick for a week straight (a fun mix of RSV, vomiting, fevers, bronchial pneumonia, rashes, etc) Then, a week ago this past Sunday on of our little foster babies was rushed to the ER... he was turning blue and had gone limp, it was beyond scary! Here we are almost 2 weeks out and my husband and I are still, daily, tag teaming the hospital and our home. Its been trying on our whole family but, you can ask any adult or child in this home and I know for sure we would all agree... this little man is worth it! He kept stopping breathing, his heart rate would plummet, he had PIC lines surgically inserted, ventilator and feeding tubes down his little throat, and was medically sedated and paralyzed. It has been an emotional roller coaster watching this precious little man endure so much. We have to believe though, that God has placed these children with us, to be there for them, at this very time in their lives. I struggled last week with how God could let me get so attached to these babies and go through we are with them, only to have to let them go in the end?!? And... after I threw my fit... I had to check myself! The very words I use to others (who say they could never foster because they would get too attached and it would be too hard to let them go) - "you're not in it for you... you're in it for them!"  Wow! How true that is! I am not at that hospital on a daily basis, up at night with his twin sister and meeting all the demands in between, for me. It was at this moment... with exhausted, tear filled eyes that I realized that... no matter what God has in store for these babies in the long run - they were born His {not mine} 2 months ago today, they are His today, and they will remain His. I am blessed to love on them, care for them, and pray for them... just as with my biological children. But in the long run, they are HIS and He knows whats best for them FAR beyond what I could comprehend, even if that means some tears in the mean time for me, because- I AM IN THIS FOR THEM, NOT FOR ME and when all is said and done we need to believe....

James 1:27

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

This has always been one of my favorite verse. I have always had a heart for "orphans". What I did not realize is that, just as God has adopted us into His family... we too are called, as Christians  to be like Christ, to care for the orphans and the widows. Websters defines "Christian" as "exhibiting a spirit proper to a follower of Jesus Christ; Christlike. It is an "adjective", which is a descriptive word. Therefore, if we are claiming to be "christian" we are describing ourselves as a follower of Christ, that we are striving to be like the one we claim to follow. As I have gotten to know God more personally over the past 6 months I have found Him to be a God of unconditional love, grace, compassion, healing and a God of open arms. So, If I am going to claim to be a "christian", then these are only a few of the words that I should be striving to be used when someone is speaking of me personally. So... how are you putting your Christianity into practice?! How are you setting yourself apart to be used?! We all have a testimony to give, someone we know that is struggling, an empty bed in our home, or even 30 minutes out of our whole week to spare to mentor a teen. Pray about how God is going to use you to be like Him, the one you claim to follow. Being a "christian" is a daily calling. The amazing part is, no matter how many times you fall down in battle... He is still asking you to fight for Him. If God has this much faith in us... who are we to second guess the calling He has for us. OHHHHH, because you feel inadequate! Yeah, been there! Unfortunately, that excuse get thrown out the window when we read REPEATEDLY, in the bible about the individuals God chose to ROCK for him! Check this out...

All ready for church. These little ones are amazing! oxoxo

no sleep. english101. twin foster babies. family of 8. still smiling.

no sleep. english101. twin foster babies. family of 8. still smiling.

Within the past couple of weeks we have gone from 4 kids to 6 kids, from a mini van to a passenger van, from sleeping to not sleeping, from big boy cups and undies back to bottles, formula and diapers and... as I am typing was just thrown up on by a tiny little 6 lb baby who somehow managed to cover herself (head to toe), me, and the carpet! However, when the laundry is piling up around me, the day has come to a close, and my caffeine has worn off hours prior... I am still smiling, knowing how blessed we are to have what we have and to be where we are at! Last May we were blessed with a house and we have decided that we use our blessing to bless others. Funny thing is, bringing these twins into our home... we are the blessed ones!

The past couple years have been quite the challenge  I have fallen, failed, and then chose to deal, heal and rise! I asked my mom (before we got the twins) why it wasn't scaring me to take on more kids?! (especially when we already get "the looks" in public just having 4) She stated, "when you are carrying less on the inside, it opens you up to do more on the outside!" And, wow! how true that is! My plate is fuller now than it's ever been, and yet, it seems to seem like so much less. I went from, "holy crap, I am falling apart!" to... "bring it on, I've got this!" and am thanking God every step of the way, knowing that He is the strength that was missing and that I now have, in an unending supply! I have always heard it said that, "God knows the desires of your heart", but to see it in action has really been amazing! Even when I was young I knew I wanted to someday grow up and take care of orphans. But to look around me and see it playing out, with an amazing man by my side who's heart is in this with me... makes me realize how abundantly blessed I am! I mean, come on, 6 kids?! Heck... we are a full time party!