Do It For Them!

The past few weeks have been some trying ones... emotionally, mentally and physically. It kicked off with 5 of my 6 kiddos being sick for a week straight (a fun mix of RSV, vomiting, fevers, bronchial pneumonia, rashes, etc) Then, a week ago this past Sunday on of our little foster babies was rushed to the ER... he was turning blue and had gone limp, it was beyond scary! Here we are almost 2 weeks out and my husband and I are still, daily, tag teaming the hospital and our home. Its been trying on our whole family but, you can ask any adult or child in this home and I know for sure we would all agree... this little man is worth it! He kept stopping breathing, his heart rate would plummet, he had PIC lines surgically inserted, ventilator and feeding tubes down his little throat, and was medically sedated and paralyzed. It has been an emotional roller coaster watching this precious little man endure so much. We have to believe though, that God has placed these children with us, to be there for them, at this very time in their lives. I struggled last week with how God could let me get so attached to these babies and go through we are with them, only to have to let them go in the end?!? And... after I threw my fit... I had to check myself! The very words I use to others (who say they could never foster because they would get too attached and it would be too hard to let them go) - "you're not in it for you... you're in it for them!"  Wow! How true that is! I am not at that hospital on a daily basis, up at night with his twin sister and meeting all the demands in between, for me. It was at this moment... with exhausted, tear filled eyes that I realized that... no matter what God has in store for these babies in the long run - they were born His {not mine} 2 months ago today, they are His today, and they will remain His. I am blessed to love on them, care for them, and pray for them... just as with my biological children. But in the long run, they are HIS and He knows whats best for them FAR beyond what I could comprehend, even if that means some tears in the mean time for me, because- I AM IN THIS FOR THEM, NOT FOR ME and when all is said and done we need to believe....