Overlapping Dynamics

Well, today was an adventure! And by "adventure"... I mean nothing shy of a circus. My day began bright and early at 5:45am when little Mr. N decided that if the sun was up, he needed to be too. But, he rises just like the sun, bright and cheerful! He is now 8 months old and sporting his 24 month onesies. But every inch and pound of him is happy, smiley and fun! Anyway, By 6 am I had squeezed in a shower and was getting him a bottle and the rest of the house breakfast. My dynamics currently consist of my 9 and 6 year old girls, my 4 and 3 year old boys and our 3 foster kiddos 2 years, 1 year and 8 months. However, we were asked to watch the precious twins we fostered from birth to 4 months old (who are now 5 months old) from today until Sunday. Heck yes! We miss those precious babies! So, by 8am I had 9 kids (7 of them 4 and under!) Ummm, yup, I called in for some back up. By 8:30am my awesome baby sitter, Lexi was at my door! Between her and I we made it through the day and I must say, WE ROCKED IT! There was plenty of diapers, feedings and fun- but overall, it was a great day! Lex... you rock! By 2:30pm two of our foster babies were heading off to visit their soon to be adoptive parent for the weekend so... I was back down to my norm of 7 kiddos. All I can say is that if I wasn't prayed up, I know that this day would not have been as blessed, fun and manageable as it was. So, thank you God for your strength, peace and using me to love on the 9 kids you brought into my home (via birth, adoption, and fostering)!!!I must say that I have found, through definite trial and error, that putting my own desires and self aside and pouring into the lives of others is the way I choose to live my everyday and the true key to happiness.

Birth Mothers

                      

The past couple of days my heart has been weighing heavy for the birth moms behind each child we are fostering. We became aware of a recent (horrific) situation leading to the hospitalization of one of the birth moms, while another has been missing for months and another sitting in jail for a year and a half awaiting her deportation trial. As a mom, knowing how deep the love for your child runs, from the moment you hold them for the first time and  lay your eyes on their precious little face. If you are a mother, you now this feeling I am referring to. You know that there is nothing you wouldn't do for your child's safety and happiness. So, why are we so quick to assume it is any different for the birth moms of these little ones in the system? These woman gave birth, loved their children with everything in them... then somewhere along the line, hit rock bottom. Whether we who have our children struggle with anger and forgiveness, eating disorders, alcoholism, infidelity, or even self worth... we all have days where we feel that we have hit rock bottom. Lucky for us, we all have someone to turn to and even the knowledge of God- to cry out to for the healing or even the strength we need to endure another day! Most of the mothers whose children we have fostered or adopted have been trying to keep their heads above water all by themselves. Scared, hurting, abused... alone! We are quick to run with the preconceived idea that, "well, they screwed up so it serves them right to lose their child!" Fact being, we all screw up and if God has extended His unconditional grace to us in our darkest hour... who are we to pick and chose who deserves it and doesn't?! We are all alive, breathing and capable of helping those around us that NEED us. Most of us "mothers" are pleased to just raise "our children" and if we have fed them organic food, clothed them in the trendiest threads, and told them we loved them... mission accomplished! However, what about the moms who cant even give their kids a slice of 99 cent white bread for dinner, who is laying in a hospital bed because she was just used- abused-stabbed and beaten by yet another man she was hoping would just love her, who just dumped her baby on a door step because she couldn't handle it on her own anymore, who was born a drug baby- abandoned by her own mother-abused by her uncle who raised her and left alone to deal with the pain?!?!? Yup... these are all situation of moms of little ones in my home. I have been fostering these little ones and doing my best to love on them yet... what about their moms?!?! Why have I not even thought, up to this point, about how much they need someone?!?! I have hit rock bottom in my life. I turned to my God, my amazing husband, my loving family and unconditional friends. And that's where the difference lies... I have people in my life to encourage me when I feel like I am falling apart, to support me in my decisions, and to see beyond my mistakes and love me anyway! These moms have hit rock bottom and  stay there. Who are we to assume that they are not our problem?! If you are reading this post and you consider yourself a follower of Christ.... These woman ARE our problem and our responsibility. We are blessed to have the life we have, the friends and family in our lives. Its time we roll up our sleeves, put someone before ourselves and pray for a heart that breaks for the very things that breaks Gods heart... the lost, hurting and broken!

                              

Rockin' The Variety Show!

Aivahlis participated in her school variety show yesterday. She tried out with about 60 other children and made it into the show of 20 kids. You go girl!!! She chose one of my (more recently) favorite songs- "Gold" by Britt Nicole. This song is a daily reminder to remember how amazing you are despite you circumstances, what others tell you, or even what you tell yourself! This is a daily struggle for most young girls and that is mainly because ... their mothers struggle with the same thing. We, as adults, don't want to seem "proud" or even "conceited" so we assume it's normal for us to be hard on ourselves. Yet, on the flip side, we want our children to know AND believe how amazing they are! Well, you got to practice what you preach because as the saying goes, "actions speak louder than words!" This has been a HUGE challenge for me personally. I tell me girls how smart, kind, and beautiful they are, that God made them to ROCK this world for Him... NOW and everyday. So guess what- I tell myself the same thing and do my best, daily, to stand firm on that!!! I pray for you, your children, myself, and my children that you know and believe that you are worth MORE than gold!!!

Science Fair

With the end of the school year only 3 days away, events, programs and projects are in full swing! Today was AivahLis's school science fair. She decided that she needed to look the part! So, she headed out this morning all geared up and ready to present her project. She has grown into such a beautiful and intelligent young lady, with a huge heart! She did an amazing job on the experiment and it's presentation. She did crystallized egg geodes and the effects of a black light on the various geodes. Congratulations, my Love!

 

Kindergarten Grad!

              Congratulations to our beautiful, Talia! 

Last night she graduated kindergarten. She participated in the performance of, "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" and did a fabulous job with her speaking part. We are proud or her hard work this year (including recently making it into the 100s club and scoring a 110% all every spelling test she took!). Words can not describe how much of a blessing she is! Her humor, determined personality and loving heart are just a few of her many amazing attributes.                      

                    Go rock first grade, Sugar!!!

I gotta let it go.

Tonight, I just needed to post my family's memory verse from last week. I had quite the day dealing with the state, ALL my children (biological, adopted and foster) and a whole bunch of other emotion stirring "fun stuff" thrown my way. But, as I erased last weeks verse to fill in a new one... It was more personal, because it's something I have to do, daily!

"Give all your worries to God, because He cares about you!"

 1 Peter 5:7

So, this is me, giving it to God and putting a weakness out there. I can lay my head down tonight KNOWING He cares about me and that He will fight my battles, big and small. Whether my problem is a violent/angry toddler, or bigger problems I face... I have been told to give it to God. And why not, I don't want them to begin with anyway! Whatever it is YOU have, whether it seems small and stupid or it consumes you inside and out... 1 Peter 5:7! Yup... easier said than done. But, here's to a new day tomorrow (absolutely not problem free, I am sure) but knowing God cares and doing my best to trust Him in that. Wait! Notice I said "my best"?!
Because I know that when the storms rage... worry and emotions TOTALLY rage right along with that. 

But, every trial, battle and situation is a new opportunity to breath deep, stand strong,
try again and give it to God!

Mother's Day 2013

Happy Mothers Day!!!

 To all the moms, foster moms and adoptive moms!!!! 

I am dedicating this song in two ways. First, as a testimony... my testimony. I have, with God, been able to "let go of control (the pain, the voices, the striving for perfection as wife/mommy/friend/etc) I have learned that I am more than enough and am created for an awesome purpose that only I can fill. And second, I dedicate this song to the girls and woman (including a dear friend that weighs heavy on my heart daily, whether she wants to or not) that still struggle on a daily basis. Its time to let go, let the pieces fall. Until we try to stop holding all our broken pieces together... God cant pick them up and make them whole again. This past year of my life has been the hardest I have ever faced. I hated every, painful moment of healing, dealing, and letting go. BUT, I would not trade any of it knowing where it has brought me, my marriage and my family to today! So, here's to letting go of control.