This song has been stuck in my head since we sang it at church. It is totally my hearts cry... to be led out upon the waters, trusting HIM every step of the way, finding rest in HIM, being fearless in the steps HE calls me to take, go beyond my own abilities- my own desires- my own strength.

 Deeper, farther, stronger!

Our family is growing!

 We received a call from our adoption worker. This means 2 of our foster kiddos are officially an "adoption case"! Time for more paper work, time for more state visits, time to start planning a big ol' adoption celebration and time to start grieving. Wait... did I say grieving?! Yup. A midst the celebrations, the joy, the excitement, the anticipation there is a little boy grieving the loss of his mother. You see, she didn't die, however, she did abandon him and his sister almost a year ago. He prays she is safe, that she is alive, and that some day... she can hold him just one more time! The 2 little ones we are beyond blessed to be adopting are a bright blue eyed 18 month old girl and her affectionate and emotional 7 year old brother. He blames himself that him and his sister were abandoned. He believes that he is failing his mom because he can not keep her safe right now ("I am her son, that's my job!")
 I am thrilled beyond words to have been chosen, by God, to be the forever family for these 2 little sweethearts. I can not wait for the day that the courts make official what we have known in our hearts from day one! But my heart also aches for the brokenness in this little man, knowing that "forever family" to him really does mean forever! The life that was his for 6 years, that abruptly came to a close, is now, forever, gone. My heart aches as I hold him and he sobs for his mom, all I can do is cry with him. I am so blessed to have this boy call me mommy... but know full well that his birth mother will always have his heart! Despite the abuse, neglect and whatever else came his way, he does, and always will love her. 
 So, today officially begins our road to adoption... our joyous, blessed, exciting, grief stricken, prayer filled road
                      ...TO FOREVER.

I AM AWESOME.

I originally received this video from my sister. My girls and I watched it {more than once} and cried. It is so easy to lose focus, feel insecure, try to keep up with what society says is beautiful, and just not feel like enough. Whether you are a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend, or all that rolled into one... you are here for a reason... to be YOU, to be who God has placed you here to be, to touch the lives of those around you without fear or hesitation, to stand tall and proud of the woman you are in Him, and to have peace in knowing that NOTHING you face in a day- you face alone! YOU ARE AWESOME!

Thank You.

My husband and I hosted our first "Orphan Sunday"

 this past week. So, thank you so much to everyone at

 "Upon This Rock" Christian Church for the support, love and encouragement you have offered myself and my family 

in our journey of fostering, adopting, and advocating. Also, a huge thank you to each and every individual that has chosen to step up and be a blessing in the lives of others! 

...You all rock!

In Him.

147+ Million Orphans {in the world}

463,000 Orphans {in the United States}

14,608 Orphans (in Arizona}

3,000+ homeless {living in AZ shelters}

When it comes to the "orphan epidemic" we have a tendency to shrug it off as... someone else's problem. You know, it's for those people with the big hearts, the ones who have the time, resources and the desire to make a difference. But let's break down Proverbs 3:5 ...

"Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart,

 and lean not on your own understanding"

"...Leaning on our own understanding" will tell you that this orphan epidemic is beyond your control. That someone else has what it takes to make a difference. That raising someone else's child would be too hard. The birth moms got themselves into these messes. That you don't have what it takes to foster or adopt. That your life and schedule does not permit you to help out. However..

"...Trusting in the Lord your God with all your heart" will tell you that you can do ALL things through Christ that gives you the strength (Philippians 4:13)  It tells you that we are MORE than conquerors through Christ, who loves us (Romans 8:37)  That you are called, commanded and equipped as Christs followers to care for orphans and widows in their distress (James 1:27) That whether or not birth moms made choices to put them in these situations, you are the hands and feet of Christ and, more than likely the only love and chance at redemption that they may ever know (Galatians 5:13) That your life is no longer your own... When you chose to follow Christ, your life should have began to look more like Him and less like you, focusing on others and doing as the bible commands you to do in His word- to see there is a problem, and act (Proverbs 24:12)

Long time, No post.

I have not been posting as often as I had planned to, or wanted to. We have had family in town from New Jersey, 2 weeks of fall break, foster kids court dates, case worker visits, 2 weeks fall break, counseling sessions, agency meetings, trips to the zoo, more family in town, s'mores making with neighbors, sick babies, church planning meetings, and all the other fun life happenings of a family of 9! Life is busy and wonderful all rolled into one these days. Sometimes as I look back over the past year, or even 6 months, it blows my mind how much my family dynamics, my focus, my mind and heart has changed. When I first began fostering (5 years ago) I really just wanted a sweet little baby to adopt and keep forever. I used the infamous line of, "I could never foster a baby and give it back, it would be too hard on me". However, as time has gone on I have a completely different view on the whole thing. Our first placement was Skyler (at 2 days old), and fortunately, we did keep and adopt him. He has been an amazing addition to our family. But... we have also had several others that we got to love on, attach to, bond with and they did move on. There have been several littles loves that we have had to say "good bye" to, but not one we would not have cared for if we had known then that that would be the out come of the situation. We currently are fostering a little guy that we got at 6 months old and he (last month) turned 1. He is gorgeous, happy, funny, snuggly and stole all our hearts from the get go! We knew shortly after taking him in that we would be more than willing to be his "forever family" if that became an option. Well, to spare some confidential case details and make a long story short- there is a chance that he will be going home in the long run. Here's the thing- it doesn't devastate me. I love him like I am his mama, however, the way my heart aches for where his birth mom is in life, I pray daily that she can get things turned around! I pray that I can be used, in any way, to help her know she is not alone and that she CAN do this! Reunification is always the initial goal in all cases in the Arizona foster care system. And, to be honest, in looking out for the child's best interest... being able to be raised by their mother and knowing she did all she had to do to have them back, would be just that. It's such a bitter sweet process- foster care. But the way it has taken my eyes off of me, I feel more blessed then any child that was able to come into my home. They received our affection, a warm bed, meals, and support- but I got a whole new heart... towards them and their mothers. As much as I love them and desire to keep them, they will always love their mothers and desire to have her holding them. As much as I want them to be my child, they will always be hers. One of my older foster sons has left me a few "love notes" on how much I mean to him, he calls me "mommy", he cuddles with me and (even after having been in time out a few times over) tells me I am the best mom ever! However, he also asks me if his mom can just give him "just one more hug"!?!? She hurt him, put him in harms way, neglected him and even abandoned him... yet, in his heart, he will always love her and have a bond with her as his mother!  Being a mother can be hard, and if you are one you know this first hand. Now try imagining being one having been born addicted, abandoned by your parents, raped repeatedly, aging out the system with no one to turn to, going from guy to guy to merely have a place to sleep at night, and using just to make all you memories and pain disappear for a short period of time. Some of these moms don't deserve to be written off until they have been given the chance at mothering that they deserved from the very start, but never got. They haven't had the love and support of a family, the stability of a home, or even been told how valuable they are- that they actually deserve better! So, if you are a mother, and you don't feel, at this time, that you can open your home to a child... why not opening your hearts to walking along side a mother? Being a support, a voice of hope and an encouragement. I have found that completely giving of yourself... somehow leaves you more full and complete. Probably because -that's what we were created to do. 

 Foster care is extremely sacrificial, 

yet in such a rewarding way.

Christian?

I have struggled, for years, with going to church and being a christian... to me, none of it made sense! I got good at "playing the part", while on the inside I grew colder and colder to all of it. I eventually reached my breaking point, where pretending was not cutting it. However, in breaking is where I really began to push aside what I had always been told and decided to figure it out for myself. I began to realize why a lot of it made no sense to me... because it really doesn't make sense! If the church is the "BODY" of Christ, made up of "CHRISTIANS"- who are supposed to be striving to be like the Christ they claim to follow, then why isn't that how it actually is?! We are awesome at holding to the traditions of our specific denominations and keeping with the routine of attending weekly services, keeping our children and our little families "unstained from the world", and doing coffee or barbecues with friends of similar morals. Where was this Christ's mission?! The Christ I have come to know and read about was a friend of sinners, a healer of the sick (mentally, physically and emotionally), a provider of food to the hungry, a father to the fatherless, a comforter to the broken. Of course the church and Christianity of today made no sense to me... because we have created our own safe, comfortable, catering version of it. I found no point in it all because... there was no point. We are called to be more of a hospital than a social club. Why aren't the "Christians" the one stepping up when a family falls apart... when a woman has abandoned her kids because she has hit rock bottom... when we see someone sleeping on a bench... when the state is overwhelmed doing a job WE were called to do!? I have been reading more books and sermons by Francis Chan and David Platt. It has been both eye opening and frustrating. We have totally settled for a religion customized to fit our schedule, preferences and comfort levels. 
          Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple 
             must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.
In following Him we are to daily deny ourselves. In following Him we are going about His business. How much of an impact would churches have if that all actually decided to adhere to the teachings of the God they all claim to serve?! I we SERVE Him why do not obey his commands in BEING "the body"? Living our lives for him and not self? Instead of a trip to the mall- go volunteer to just hold one of the thousands of little ones that currently live in the shelters in Arizona, instead of making that extra room into a guest/toy/office room- open it to an orphan, instead of that new pair of jeans or shoes for you- offer to buy a kid in a group home a pair, instead of redoing another room in your house- lend a hand and a voice of hope to the OVERWHELMING number of moms and dads out there that don't have a home, instead of out casting that person who is struggling in her walk- walk along side her. Its time we step up and be the church and the Christians and have been called to be. We keep ourselves to unstained by the world that we have absolutely no impact on them!  There is only one of me, and in deciding to make my "Christian life" resemble that of the Christ I claim to follow... its been a lonely road... but I still chose it daily- KNOWING that I am making a difference in the lives of those around me. Knowing that I am being and doing. And praying that my life, my voice,  the change and hope in me and choices I now make can impact others to chose to do the same!