I AM AWESOME.

I originally received this video from my sister. My girls and I watched it {more than once} and cried. It is so easy to lose focus, feel insecure, try to keep up with what society says is beautiful, and just not feel like enough. Whether you are a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend, or all that rolled into one... you are here for a reason... to be YOU, to be who God has placed you here to be, to touch the lives of those around you without fear or hesitation, to stand tall and proud of the woman you are in Him, and to have peace in knowing that NOTHING you face in a day- you face alone! YOU ARE AWESOME!

Thank You.

My husband and I hosted our first "Orphan Sunday"

 this past week. So, thank you so much to everyone at

 "Upon This Rock" Christian Church for the support, love and encouragement you have offered myself and my family 

in our journey of fostering, adopting, and advocating. Also, a huge thank you to each and every individual that has chosen to step up and be a blessing in the lives of others! 

...You all rock!

In Him.

147+ Million Orphans {in the world}

463,000 Orphans {in the United States}

14,608 Orphans (in Arizona}

3,000+ homeless {living in AZ shelters}

When it comes to the "orphan epidemic" we have a tendency to shrug it off as... someone else's problem. You know, it's for those people with the big hearts, the ones who have the time, resources and the desire to make a difference. But let's break down Proverbs 3:5 ...

"Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart,

 and lean not on your own understanding"

"...Leaning on our own understanding" will tell you that this orphan epidemic is beyond your control. That someone else has what it takes to make a difference. That raising someone else's child would be too hard. The birth moms got themselves into these messes. That you don't have what it takes to foster or adopt. That your life and schedule does not permit you to help out. However..

"...Trusting in the Lord your God with all your heart" will tell you that you can do ALL things through Christ that gives you the strength (Philippians 4:13)  It tells you that we are MORE than conquerors through Christ, who loves us (Romans 8:37)  That you are called, commanded and equipped as Christs followers to care for orphans and widows in their distress (James 1:27) That whether or not birth moms made choices to put them in these situations, you are the hands and feet of Christ and, more than likely the only love and chance at redemption that they may ever know (Galatians 5:13) That your life is no longer your own... When you chose to follow Christ, your life should have began to look more like Him and less like you, focusing on others and doing as the bible commands you to do in His word- to see there is a problem, and act (Proverbs 24:12)

Long time, No post.

I have not been posting as often as I had planned to, or wanted to. We have had family in town from New Jersey, 2 weeks of fall break, foster kids court dates, case worker visits, 2 weeks fall break, counseling sessions, agency meetings, trips to the zoo, more family in town, s'mores making with neighbors, sick babies, church planning meetings, and all the other fun life happenings of a family of 9! Life is busy and wonderful all rolled into one these days. Sometimes as I look back over the past year, or even 6 months, it blows my mind how much my family dynamics, my focus, my mind and heart has changed. When I first began fostering (5 years ago) I really just wanted a sweet little baby to adopt and keep forever. I used the infamous line of, "I could never foster a baby and give it back, it would be too hard on me". However, as time has gone on I have a completely different view on the whole thing. Our first placement was Skyler (at 2 days old), and fortunately, we did keep and adopt him. He has been an amazing addition to our family. But... we have also had several others that we got to love on, attach to, bond with and they did move on. There have been several littles loves that we have had to say "good bye" to, but not one we would not have cared for if we had known then that that would be the out come of the situation. We currently are fostering a little guy that we got at 6 months old and he (last month) turned 1. He is gorgeous, happy, funny, snuggly and stole all our hearts from the get go! We knew shortly after taking him in that we would be more than willing to be his "forever family" if that became an option. Well, to spare some confidential case details and make a long story short- there is a chance that he will be going home in the long run. Here's the thing- it doesn't devastate me. I love him like I am his mama, however, the way my heart aches for where his birth mom is in life, I pray daily that she can get things turned around! I pray that I can be used, in any way, to help her know she is not alone and that she CAN do this! Reunification is always the initial goal in all cases in the Arizona foster care system. And, to be honest, in looking out for the child's best interest... being able to be raised by their mother and knowing she did all she had to do to have them back, would be just that. It's such a bitter sweet process- foster care. But the way it has taken my eyes off of me, I feel more blessed then any child that was able to come into my home. They received our affection, a warm bed, meals, and support- but I got a whole new heart... towards them and their mothers. As much as I love them and desire to keep them, they will always love their mothers and desire to have her holding them. As much as I want them to be my child, they will always be hers. One of my older foster sons has left me a few "love notes" on how much I mean to him, he calls me "mommy", he cuddles with me and (even after having been in time out a few times over) tells me I am the best mom ever! However, he also asks me if his mom can just give him "just one more hug"!?!? She hurt him, put him in harms way, neglected him and even abandoned him... yet, in his heart, he will always love her and have a bond with her as his mother!  Being a mother can be hard, and if you are one you know this first hand. Now try imagining being one having been born addicted, abandoned by your parents, raped repeatedly, aging out the system with no one to turn to, going from guy to guy to merely have a place to sleep at night, and using just to make all you memories and pain disappear for a short period of time. Some of these moms don't deserve to be written off until they have been given the chance at mothering that they deserved from the very start, but never got. They haven't had the love and support of a family, the stability of a home, or even been told how valuable they are- that they actually deserve better! So, if you are a mother, and you don't feel, at this time, that you can open your home to a child... why not opening your hearts to walking along side a mother? Being a support, a voice of hope and an encouragement. I have found that completely giving of yourself... somehow leaves you more full and complete. Probably because -that's what we were created to do. 

 Foster care is extremely sacrificial, 

yet in such a rewarding way.

Christian?

I have struggled, for years, with going to church and being a christian... to me, none of it made sense! I got good at "playing the part", while on the inside I grew colder and colder to all of it. I eventually reached my breaking point, where pretending was not cutting it. However, in breaking is where I really began to push aside what I had always been told and decided to figure it out for myself. I began to realize why a lot of it made no sense to me... because it really doesn't make sense! If the church is the "BODY" of Christ, made up of "CHRISTIANS"- who are supposed to be striving to be like the Christ they claim to follow, then why isn't that how it actually is?! We are awesome at holding to the traditions of our specific denominations and keeping with the routine of attending weekly services, keeping our children and our little families "unstained from the world", and doing coffee or barbecues with friends of similar morals. Where was this Christ's mission?! The Christ I have come to know and read about was a friend of sinners, a healer of the sick (mentally, physically and emotionally), a provider of food to the hungry, a father to the fatherless, a comforter to the broken. Of course the church and Christianity of today made no sense to me... because we have created our own safe, comfortable, catering version of it. I found no point in it all because... there was no point. We are called to be more of a hospital than a social club. Why aren't the "Christians" the one stepping up when a family falls apart... when a woman has abandoned her kids because she has hit rock bottom... when we see someone sleeping on a bench... when the state is overwhelmed doing a job WE were called to do!? I have been reading more books and sermons by Francis Chan and David Platt. It has been both eye opening and frustrating. We have totally settled for a religion customized to fit our schedule, preferences and comfort levels. 
          Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple 
             must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.
In following Him we are to daily deny ourselves. In following Him we are going about His business. How much of an impact would churches have if that all actually decided to adhere to the teachings of the God they all claim to serve?! I we SERVE Him why do not obey his commands in BEING "the body"? Living our lives for him and not self? Instead of a trip to the mall- go volunteer to just hold one of the thousands of little ones that currently live in the shelters in Arizona, instead of making that extra room into a guest/toy/office room- open it to an orphan, instead of that new pair of jeans or shoes for you- offer to buy a kid in a group home a pair, instead of redoing another room in your house- lend a hand and a voice of hope to the OVERWHELMING number of moms and dads out there that don't have a home, instead of out casting that person who is struggling in her walk- walk along side her. Its time we step up and be the church and the Christians and have been called to be. We keep ourselves to unstained by the world that we have absolutely no impact on them!  There is only one of me, and in deciding to make my "Christian life" resemble that of the Christ I claim to follow... its been a lonely road... but I still chose it daily- KNOWING that I am making a difference in the lives of those around me. Knowing that I am being and doing. And praying that my life, my voice,  the change and hope in me and choices I now make can impact others to chose to do the same! 

An amazing message in this song! Self worth was something I always used to struggle with. This week has been a rough one for me from no AC (still), a husband with shingles, 2 teething infants, a stomach bug passing through the house and a little foster son that had me in tears.... talking about how he KNOWS his mom leaving him was his fault- she doesn't love him- the police are after him because of all he has seen- and that he will just always be lied to and left, because that's how its always been! I pray that through becoming a part of our family and experiencing Gods love, through us... that he regains some of the self worth and innocence he has been robbed of! I tell him how awesome he is, that he is safe, that we are here for him NO MATTER what, but I pray for that day when he can believe that for himself!!

Inconvenient Obedience

The past two and a half weeks the biggest challenge for my kids has been obedience. We always have an "adjustment period" when new kiddos move in and within a few days of that transpiring we also started our school year off. Lots of change makes for lots of challenges. I have prayed and thought of various ways to help make this bump in the road a little more manageable. I have been consistent with consequences (as exhausting as it can be!) and we have also established before and after school routines... to get homework done and to cut down on chaos. It's been much smoother lately, thank you God. Well, there is point to all this. Why is it my kids disobey? Wouldn't it be easier to just listen and avoid a consequence? Don't they see that putting each other first simply makes sense?! Hmmm. Well, isn't that how we all operate with God? I am pretty sure if we all sat and read scripture it's pretty obvious what He expects from us, yes out of our own selfish desires, we go about our days consumed with what works for us. It has really struck me while reading, "Orphan Care" by Johnny Carr (highly recommend this book, by the way) how my children's selfish motives and disobedience are pretty much that of the church... just on a larger scale- which just means more people are affected by it! I would like to share some pieces I pulled from Mr. Carr's book, ones that make you say "ouch!"

"The overwhelming message here is simple: As Jesus' disciples, we are called to live sacrificially so we can live generously."

"We need Orphaned-focused Sundays, but we also need far more-- we need Orphaned-focused churches.Choosing to stand by and do nothing while we see injustice, suffering and evil is wrong. It is sin. We must take active steps to care for orphans. To do anything less is blatant disobedience."

"And He beckons us to leave the comfort of our cushioned pews to reach out in love to those children who are enslaved."

"All around the world, children cry out at night for parents who are gone. They have names, faces, and dreams, but no families."

"More than just write a check, Gods word challenges us to invite the poor an the needy into our everyday lives."

"Poverty is not a social justice issue for government to figure out. It is an invitation to each one of us to reach out in humble gratitude for how God has rescued us, not forgetting our own poverty and desperate need for Him. If we truly want to break the cycle of poverty and homelessness, we must start with our own hearts."

"A few weeks after returning home from China, Beth and I learned that one of the infant in the orphanage- the one in my nightmares- had dies of starvation because of her cleft lip and open palate. The cost of the surgery to save the child's life: $250. Trying to balance 10 million dollars {for a church building project}, $250, and the value of 1 human life kept me up many nights!"

"Adoption is not for everyone, but caring for orphans is for everyone!"

"We frequently focus on keeping ourselves unstained, but we often fail in the area of taking care of orphans and widows."

"We can not settle for cheap solutions because we as Christ's followers have a responsibility before God to act and, more importantly, to keep acting!"

Just as my children have a tendency to only think of themselves when making a decision... we too have become too comfortable with doing the same. However, for us and the church as a whole, its not just the simple issue of not sharing a toy or pushing someone else aside to be first. For us its a life style and a way of thinking that effect how we react, effects those suffering around us and, in a bigger picture, is the example we are setting for our children. I pray that my children can SEE, KNOW AND FEEL Gods love through me- not just by being able to climb into their own warm beds having clean sheets, or a warm dinner on the table... but by how I choose to react to the hurting, suffering, desperate world around me. We can tell them they should help, but unless they see that example being set (as a life style not a one time basis) by us- they will be as effective as we are! Its time for the church, as a whole, to be obedient to the call that God has placed upon each and every one of us. We can all do something. Its when we "choosing to do nothing" that we need to look at our hearts.
 "The one who shuts his ears to the poor will himself also call out and not be answered." Proverbs 21:13
"If you offer yourself to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted one, then your light will shine in the darkness, and your night will be like noonday." Isaiah 58:10

How are you, your family, and your church BEING the body of Christ, outside of your own comfort zone!? 

Challenge yourselves to step out in some   inconvenient obedience!!