AZ CPS

Its all too often lately... you sit down to watch some evening news and there is yet another "...and Arizona's Child Protective Services screws up again!" type of broadcast. From thousands of uninvestigated cases, to case workers buying drugs from families on their case loads, from mishandling of confidential information to kids falling through the cracks. They screw up what they are expected to do and we all get to hear about it. But, here's the thing.... 
The state and its workers are beyond overwhelmed with the number of broken families, abused and neglected children and even parents trying to do what it takes to get their kids back. Their case loads have increased immensely as society becomes more and more broken. Where are WE in all this? We call us ourselves "the church" and we we label ourselves "Christians" yet we sit back while the state, without God, tries to put band aids on situations that we are called to, with God, pour into and transform! Can you imagine if the church as a whole was on the news for "not doing their job" like CPS has been lately? Yeah, pretty sure there would not be enough air time to even begin to cover that. Children are hungry, neglected, abused, and praying for just one more hug from mommy. Woman hurting, losing their children, abused by men, and at the bottom just trying to survive. Men homeless, feeling like they just cant hold on anymore and just wanting to see their kids. Families broken, split up and crying for just a little glimpse of hope. While we sit, in comfort, in our daily routines, keeping to ourselves the very love, hope and answer that they need. The very God that laid down his life for us so that we could, in turn, lay down ours for them. Yeah, the state workers are overwhelmed, screwing up and getting a bad rap for it....
But at least they are trying.
Church--- where are we????

This song has been stuck in my head since we sang it at church. It is totally my hearts cry... to be led out upon the waters, trusting HIM every step of the way, finding rest in HIM, being fearless in the steps HE calls me to take, go beyond my own abilities- my own desires- my own strength.

 Deeper, farther, stronger!

Our family is growing!

 We received a call from our adoption worker. This means 2 of our foster kiddos are officially an "adoption case"! Time for more paper work, time for more state visits, time to start planning a big ol' adoption celebration and time to start grieving. Wait... did I say grieving?! Yup. A midst the celebrations, the joy, the excitement, the anticipation there is a little boy grieving the loss of his mother. You see, she didn't die, however, she did abandon him and his sister almost a year ago. He prays she is safe, that she is alive, and that some day... she can hold him just one more time! The 2 little ones we are beyond blessed to be adopting are a bright blue eyed 18 month old girl and her affectionate and emotional 7 year old brother. He blames himself that him and his sister were abandoned. He believes that he is failing his mom because he can not keep her safe right now ("I am her son, that's my job!")
 I am thrilled beyond words to have been chosen, by God, to be the forever family for these 2 little sweethearts. I can not wait for the day that the courts make official what we have known in our hearts from day one! But my heart also aches for the brokenness in this little man, knowing that "forever family" to him really does mean forever! The life that was his for 6 years, that abruptly came to a close, is now, forever, gone. My heart aches as I hold him and he sobs for his mom, all I can do is cry with him. I am so blessed to have this boy call me mommy... but know full well that his birth mother will always have his heart! Despite the abuse, neglect and whatever else came his way, he does, and always will love her. 
 So, today officially begins our road to adoption... our joyous, blessed, exciting, grief stricken, prayer filled road
                      ...TO FOREVER.

I AM AWESOME.

I originally received this video from my sister. My girls and I watched it {more than once} and cried. It is so easy to lose focus, feel insecure, try to keep up with what society says is beautiful, and just not feel like enough. Whether you are a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend, or all that rolled into one... you are here for a reason... to be YOU, to be who God has placed you here to be, to touch the lives of those around you without fear or hesitation, to stand tall and proud of the woman you are in Him, and to have peace in knowing that NOTHING you face in a day- you face alone! YOU ARE AWESOME!

Thank You.

My husband and I hosted our first "Orphan Sunday"

 this past week. So, thank you so much to everyone at

 "Upon This Rock" Christian Church for the support, love and encouragement you have offered myself and my family 

in our journey of fostering, adopting, and advocating. Also, a huge thank you to each and every individual that has chosen to step up and be a blessing in the lives of others! 

...You all rock!

In Him.

147+ Million Orphans {in the world}

463,000 Orphans {in the United States}

14,608 Orphans (in Arizona}

3,000+ homeless {living in AZ shelters}

When it comes to the "orphan epidemic" we have a tendency to shrug it off as... someone else's problem. You know, it's for those people with the big hearts, the ones who have the time, resources and the desire to make a difference. But let's break down Proverbs 3:5 ...

"Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart,

 and lean not on your own understanding"

"...Leaning on our own understanding" will tell you that this orphan epidemic is beyond your control. That someone else has what it takes to make a difference. That raising someone else's child would be too hard. The birth moms got themselves into these messes. That you don't have what it takes to foster or adopt. That your life and schedule does not permit you to help out. However..

"...Trusting in the Lord your God with all your heart" will tell you that you can do ALL things through Christ that gives you the strength (Philippians 4:13)  It tells you that we are MORE than conquerors through Christ, who loves us (Romans 8:37)  That you are called, commanded and equipped as Christs followers to care for orphans and widows in their distress (James 1:27) That whether or not birth moms made choices to put them in these situations, you are the hands and feet of Christ and, more than likely the only love and chance at redemption that they may ever know (Galatians 5:13) That your life is no longer your own... When you chose to follow Christ, your life should have began to look more like Him and less like you, focusing on others and doing as the bible commands you to do in His word- to see there is a problem, and act (Proverbs 24:12)

Long time, No post.

I have not been posting as often as I had planned to, or wanted to. We have had family in town from New Jersey, 2 weeks of fall break, foster kids court dates, case worker visits, 2 weeks fall break, counseling sessions, agency meetings, trips to the zoo, more family in town, s'mores making with neighbors, sick babies, church planning meetings, and all the other fun life happenings of a family of 9! Life is busy and wonderful all rolled into one these days. Sometimes as I look back over the past year, or even 6 months, it blows my mind how much my family dynamics, my focus, my mind and heart has changed. When I first began fostering (5 years ago) I really just wanted a sweet little baby to adopt and keep forever. I used the infamous line of, "I could never foster a baby and give it back, it would be too hard on me". However, as time has gone on I have a completely different view on the whole thing. Our first placement was Skyler (at 2 days old), and fortunately, we did keep and adopt him. He has been an amazing addition to our family. But... we have also had several others that we got to love on, attach to, bond with and they did move on. There have been several littles loves that we have had to say "good bye" to, but not one we would not have cared for if we had known then that that would be the out come of the situation. We currently are fostering a little guy that we got at 6 months old and he (last month) turned 1. He is gorgeous, happy, funny, snuggly and stole all our hearts from the get go! We knew shortly after taking him in that we would be more than willing to be his "forever family" if that became an option. Well, to spare some confidential case details and make a long story short- there is a chance that he will be going home in the long run. Here's the thing- it doesn't devastate me. I love him like I am his mama, however, the way my heart aches for where his birth mom is in life, I pray daily that she can get things turned around! I pray that I can be used, in any way, to help her know she is not alone and that she CAN do this! Reunification is always the initial goal in all cases in the Arizona foster care system. And, to be honest, in looking out for the child's best interest... being able to be raised by their mother and knowing she did all she had to do to have them back, would be just that. It's such a bitter sweet process- foster care. But the way it has taken my eyes off of me, I feel more blessed then any child that was able to come into my home. They received our affection, a warm bed, meals, and support- but I got a whole new heart... towards them and their mothers. As much as I love them and desire to keep them, they will always love their mothers and desire to have her holding them. As much as I want them to be my child, they will always be hers. One of my older foster sons has left me a few "love notes" on how much I mean to him, he calls me "mommy", he cuddles with me and (even after having been in time out a few times over) tells me I am the best mom ever! However, he also asks me if his mom can just give him "just one more hug"!?!? She hurt him, put him in harms way, neglected him and even abandoned him... yet, in his heart, he will always love her and have a bond with her as his mother!  Being a mother can be hard, and if you are one you know this first hand. Now try imagining being one having been born addicted, abandoned by your parents, raped repeatedly, aging out the system with no one to turn to, going from guy to guy to merely have a place to sleep at night, and using just to make all you memories and pain disappear for a short period of time. Some of these moms don't deserve to be written off until they have been given the chance at mothering that they deserved from the very start, but never got. They haven't had the love and support of a family, the stability of a home, or even been told how valuable they are- that they actually deserve better! So, if you are a mother, and you don't feel, at this time, that you can open your home to a child... why not opening your hearts to walking along side a mother? Being a support, a voice of hope and an encouragement. I have found that completely giving of yourself... somehow leaves you more full and complete. Probably because -that's what we were created to do. 

 Foster care is extremely sacrificial, 

yet in such a rewarding way.

Christian?

I have struggled, for years, with going to church and being a christian... to me, none of it made sense! I got good at "playing the part", while on the inside I grew colder and colder to all of it. I eventually reached my breaking point, where pretending was not cutting it. However, in breaking is where I really began to push aside what I had always been told and decided to figure it out for myself. I began to realize why a lot of it made no sense to me... because it really doesn't make sense! If the church is the "BODY" of Christ, made up of "CHRISTIANS"- who are supposed to be striving to be like the Christ they claim to follow, then why isn't that how it actually is?! We are awesome at holding to the traditions of our specific denominations and keeping with the routine of attending weekly services, keeping our children and our little families "unstained from the world", and doing coffee or barbecues with friends of similar morals. Where was this Christ's mission?! The Christ I have come to know and read about was a friend of sinners, a healer of the sick (mentally, physically and emotionally), a provider of food to the hungry, a father to the fatherless, a comforter to the broken. Of course the church and Christianity of today made no sense to me... because we have created our own safe, comfortable, catering version of it. I found no point in it all because... there was no point. We are called to be more of a hospital than a social club. Why aren't the "Christians" the one stepping up when a family falls apart... when a woman has abandoned her kids because she has hit rock bottom... when we see someone sleeping on a bench... when the state is overwhelmed doing a job WE were called to do!? I have been reading more books and sermons by Francis Chan and David Platt. It has been both eye opening and frustrating. We have totally settled for a religion customized to fit our schedule, preferences and comfort levels. 
          Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple 
             must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.
In following Him we are to daily deny ourselves. In following Him we are going about His business. How much of an impact would churches have if that all actually decided to adhere to the teachings of the God they all claim to serve?! I we SERVE Him why do not obey his commands in BEING "the body"? Living our lives for him and not self? Instead of a trip to the mall- go volunteer to just hold one of the thousands of little ones that currently live in the shelters in Arizona, instead of making that extra room into a guest/toy/office room- open it to an orphan, instead of that new pair of jeans or shoes for you- offer to buy a kid in a group home a pair, instead of redoing another room in your house- lend a hand and a voice of hope to the OVERWHELMING number of moms and dads out there that don't have a home, instead of out casting that person who is struggling in her walk- walk along side her. Its time we step up and be the church and the Christians and have been called to be. We keep ourselves to unstained by the world that we have absolutely no impact on them!  There is only one of me, and in deciding to make my "Christian life" resemble that of the Christ I claim to follow... its been a lonely road... but I still chose it daily- KNOWING that I am making a difference in the lives of those around me. Knowing that I am being and doing. And praying that my life, my voice,  the change and hope in me and choices I now make can impact others to chose to do the same! 

An amazing message in this song! Self worth was something I always used to struggle with. This week has been a rough one for me from no AC (still), a husband with shingles, 2 teething infants, a stomach bug passing through the house and a little foster son that had me in tears.... talking about how he KNOWS his mom leaving him was his fault- she doesn't love him- the police are after him because of all he has seen- and that he will just always be lied to and left, because that's how its always been! I pray that through becoming a part of our family and experiencing Gods love, through us... that he regains some of the self worth and innocence he has been robbed of! I tell him how awesome he is, that he is safe, that we are here for him NO MATTER what, but I pray for that day when he can believe that for himself!!

Inconvenient Obedience

The past two and a half weeks the biggest challenge for my kids has been obedience. We always have an "adjustment period" when new kiddos move in and within a few days of that transpiring we also started our school year off. Lots of change makes for lots of challenges. I have prayed and thought of various ways to help make this bump in the road a little more manageable. I have been consistent with consequences (as exhausting as it can be!) and we have also established before and after school routines... to get homework done and to cut down on chaos. It's been much smoother lately, thank you God. Well, there is point to all this. Why is it my kids disobey? Wouldn't it be easier to just listen and avoid a consequence? Don't they see that putting each other first simply makes sense?! Hmmm. Well, isn't that how we all operate with God? I am pretty sure if we all sat and read scripture it's pretty obvious what He expects from us, yes out of our own selfish desires, we go about our days consumed with what works for us. It has really struck me while reading, "Orphan Care" by Johnny Carr (highly recommend this book, by the way) how my children's selfish motives and disobedience are pretty much that of the church... just on a larger scale- which just means more people are affected by it! I would like to share some pieces I pulled from Mr. Carr's book, ones that make you say "ouch!"

"The overwhelming message here is simple: As Jesus' disciples, we are called to live sacrificially so we can live generously."

"We need Orphaned-focused Sundays, but we also need far more-- we need Orphaned-focused churches.Choosing to stand by and do nothing while we see injustice, suffering and evil is wrong. It is sin. We must take active steps to care for orphans. To do anything less is blatant disobedience."

"And He beckons us to leave the comfort of our cushioned pews to reach out in love to those children who are enslaved."

"All around the world, children cry out at night for parents who are gone. They have names, faces, and dreams, but no families."

"More than just write a check, Gods word challenges us to invite the poor an the needy into our everyday lives."

"Poverty is not a social justice issue for government to figure out. It is an invitation to each one of us to reach out in humble gratitude for how God has rescued us, not forgetting our own poverty and desperate need for Him. If we truly want to break the cycle of poverty and homelessness, we must start with our own hearts."

"A few weeks after returning home from China, Beth and I learned that one of the infant in the orphanage- the one in my nightmares- had dies of starvation because of her cleft lip and open palate. The cost of the surgery to save the child's life: $250. Trying to balance 10 million dollars {for a church building project}, $250, and the value of 1 human life kept me up many nights!"

"Adoption is not for everyone, but caring for orphans is for everyone!"

"We frequently focus on keeping ourselves unstained, but we often fail in the area of taking care of orphans and widows."

"We can not settle for cheap solutions because we as Christ's followers have a responsibility before God to act and, more importantly, to keep acting!"

Just as my children have a tendency to only think of themselves when making a decision... we too have become too comfortable with doing the same. However, for us and the church as a whole, its not just the simple issue of not sharing a toy or pushing someone else aside to be first. For us its a life style and a way of thinking that effect how we react, effects those suffering around us and, in a bigger picture, is the example we are setting for our children. I pray that my children can SEE, KNOW AND FEEL Gods love through me- not just by being able to climb into their own warm beds having clean sheets, or a warm dinner on the table... but by how I choose to react to the hurting, suffering, desperate world around me. We can tell them they should help, but unless they see that example being set (as a life style not a one time basis) by us- they will be as effective as we are! Its time for the church, as a whole, to be obedient to the call that God has placed upon each and every one of us. We can all do something. Its when we "choosing to do nothing" that we need to look at our hearts.
 "The one who shuts his ears to the poor will himself also call out and not be answered." Proverbs 21:13
"If you offer yourself to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted one, then your light will shine in the darkness, and your night will be like noonday." Isaiah 58:10

How are you, your family, and your church BEING the body of Christ, outside of your own comfort zone!? 

Challenge yourselves to step out in some   inconvenient obedience!!

Back 2 School

Today was the first day of school for us! I was both looking forward to it (because of routine of it all) and dreading it (because I miss my kiddos). This year I have Aivahlis in 4th grade, Talia and Anthony in 1st and Sky, for one more year, in a therapeutic PreSchool program. My 3 older kiddos started today with a whole mix of emotions! Aivahlis, after meeting teacher on monday night and learning that their class pet was a bearded dragon (and that she was granted dibs on naming it this year), was excited and ready to get this year started! This was a huge blessing for me being that she is normally the one with big anxieties when it come to any sort of change. Talia is my "go getter" and pretty much wakes up knowing she can take on the world! This year she even had the big responsibility of introducing Anthony to "her school" and helping him feel at ease. Talia was blessed this year with he return of Aivahlis's teacher from last year (Mrs. Keyes was not supposed to be there this year but ended up returning as the new 1st grade teacher). This teacher was wonderful, kind hearted and we adored her and we were very excited to learn that Talia AND Anthony would have her this year! Talia was excited to go but unsure of what first grade would be like. Then there is Anthony... he has been saying for days that he does NOT want to go. He has had everyone in his life prove to him that places and people are not constant and that people are unreliable. He has seen way more than I have have or will and his insecurities are present daily! He is a sweetheart that has not deserved what he has been through. I cry often, praying that God heals him of his hurts and fears, knowing personally how hard it is to not deal, but carry it through life, trying to just be ok. I pray that we can make a difference in his and his sisters lives, showing them the love of God (unconditional and constant). I have assured him that I am not here to take the place of his mother (the woman that he still loves and misses!) I am simply here to love on him, keep him safe and to let him know how awesome I think he is! He was not ready for yet another change and was scared of school work, knowing he is behind, he e insisted that he does not like school! Well, this picture pretty much expressed everyone's TRUE feelings on today...

Well, long story short... after lots of prayers, hugs and kisses and a day of learning... these 3 all had a wonderful day! Anthony even decided that he just may like school after all! God is already at work in this little mans life. I am blessed to have such amazing kiddos that are so willing to step up for these foster/adoptive children, to open their home, to share their mommy and daddy, and to be Christs hands extended! They are already making a difference in this world!!!

My Own Little World

This song is pretty awesome... the lyrics of it. About looking beyond our own little world,

seeing the bigger picture, looking beyond ourselves, living for the greater purpose-

 having our hearts break for what breaks HIS!!!

Move on in... And stay forever!

Clean out craft closet, move toy box to living room, clean out ALL bedroom closets, purchase bedding, transfer beds from each room into new location, down size toy bins in each room, add expedit shelving and more dinnerware to my IKEA list, pick up and fill out school registration papers, school shopping for a fourth Dahlman student, etc, etc, etc.

Oh... Just a few of the million and one things on my "to do" list that must be accomplish by Saturday. Breathing deep! We got a call asking us if we would take on 2 sweethearts that will be going into adoption soon. A good friend of ours (Monika) that we have very recently come to know and adore is their current foster placement- however, she is an amazing single Mom and is lisenced for "foster only". In spending time with Monika we have been blessed to get to know 2 siblings (ages 6 and 1) and they have become very special to us, our whole family adores them. The 6 year old has seen and been through so much already and needs a good, stable home to grow up in- knowing he is loved, safe, and that no matter what, he is an incredible young man. His little sister can melt you with her big baby blues alone!
So- come Saturday we will be a family of nine and heading, once again, down the road of adoption. It is a process that changes not only the child/children's lives, becoming part of a forever family--- but even more so the adoptive family that has opened their hearts and their home to these little ones in need. It is an incredible journey of faith, grace, hope, mercy, selflessness and blessings! I have been asked several times in the last few days, "have you lost your mind?!" Why yes, yes I have lost mine. I no longer think for myself and about the "me" factor of it all. I pray daily for God to use me and to see how things are falling into place at such a fast pace leaves me in awe of God and how, when you let Him lead, He works it a out for the good. The less I focus on me, the more fulfilled life becomes.
Here is to a crazy me pursuing Gods will in my life, my family's life, not just telling my kids we serve a Big amd awesome God that can change lives- but showing them, and to making a difference in this world and in the life of "orphans"!

Tunnel Vision

 My kids and I have been going to the summer movies at Harkins this summer and it concerns me, each week, how a our foster babies will handle sitting through it. One fell asleep on me while the other enjoyed a snack in the stroller, then when the sleeper woke up we did a quick switcheroo and the other one fell asleep on me while the previous sleeper enjoyed a bottle. With one foot rocking the stroller, one foot rocking the sleeper, one arm holding  a baby and the other arm being hugged by my sweet boy (3 yrs). I was in full mommy mode. I loved the movie playing this week, "Charlotte's Web" is a classic! Well, movie ended and we all headed back out to our vehicle. It's Arizona and it's July! Its that time of year where we are enduring the triple digits, the humidity while awaiting a good monsoon, the sweat beads that begin to form and roll down your face... just buckling kids into the car (or more like bus, for me). I had 4 of my 6 in and had 2 more in the stroller to go. I was getting hot and impatient, just as the woman walking up to the vehicle next to me hit the remote on her key chain and her van doors slid open. "Seriously!?" I heard myself saying out loud. Now I was stuck, couldn't move my door without hitting hers, and still had 2 infants sitting, in the stroller, in the heat, on the other side of my door. Man did she inconvenience me. Didn't she know I was sweating and trying to load up 6 kids?!

 {insert heart check}

Driving home I passed by a man with a long white beard, scraggly white hair, and filthy from head to toe, carrying a duffle bag. As I passed by, with my air conditioning blowing on me, my water bottle at my side, my iPhone gently rested in the cup holder beside it, along with a console crevice filled with spare change and  my well dressed and freshly bathed children in their car seats, all with full bellies and the security of a mommy and a daddy's love... I began to pray, "Lord, please be  with that man! Send some one to.....   I stopped. I began again, "Lord, please be with that man! Send some one to.....      I was that "someone"! And that someone was taking all her blessings for granted as she drove by the very person that she had been sent to bless. I drove up the road a little ways to a park where my kids play, knowing there is a vending machine there. I grabbed up $2 in quarters and got 2 cold gatorades. I turned around and headed back down the road but I was not seeing this man so I drove up the next road, then back down again. I decided to head back towards home and ... there he was, red faced, sweating and still walking down the road. I did a u-turn and pulled over. As I put my window down he seemed very hesitant to approach. I held up the gatorades and asked him to please take them, its hot out! He smiled a toothless grin and thanked me. As I drove away my 6 year old commented, "wow mommy, that was really sweet of you... he's already drinking the blue one!"
I began to sob. All I could say was,"but now what?! now where does he sleep?! We all go to our nice big home, we eat our filling lunch, and he is still out here, alone and homeless." I cried the rest of the way home, and even now as I type. I am the one that was sent to help this man and all I could do was buy him gatorade!?!? How can we as "christians" (striving to be like Christ) miss the very calling that accompanies that title!?!? We have tunnel vision. We walk through life striving to build our only little worlds into picture perfect perfection, that we cant see the world around us. We are so accustomed to living a blessed life that its what we have come to expect.
"I doesn't fit into my schedule"
"My home isn't big enough"
"That wouldn't work for my family"
"We just don't have the means to do that"
"They got themselves there"
Wow. We are good at justifying why we cant carry out the very message we claim to believe in. I am guilty of it. But the more I pray to be used by God, the more he makes me uncomfortable in the THINGS that we all take for granted and make priority over serving and the more He breaks my heart for what breaks his! I pray that I continue to see the world around me, that my priorities are HIS priorities, and that I do NOT live life with tunnel vision (only  focused on what I chose to see)... because even though the homeless, hungry, orphaned and hurting are not sitting on our comfy, suburban doorstep... we are still called to step out of our comfort zones and DO!

Eyes opened, Now act.

Well, we (as in just my family of 6) took a long weekend and enjoyed some family time, beaches in California, and the simple joys of road trippin'! It was a wonderful time of fun and memories! We definitely favored Pacific Beach and Sea Port Village- although all the rocks, gorgeous cliffs, and getting to see all the seals on the beach at La Jolla was pretty awesome. My girls had been doing extra chores around the house in the months leading up to our trip and were very proud to purchase themselves some souvenirs! We had a chance to see crabs on the beach and even catch a hermit crap. The kids enjoyed eating lobster, as well as the big bibs that we all had to wear while doing so (which the boys then wore down the boardwalk, backwards, as super hero capes!) We look forward to another trip, however, this time with our faster babies in tow because we all missed them terribly! As awesome as our vacation was, Chris and I spent a lot of time focusing on our goals as a couple and how to make them happen. We are focused on taking in little ones and making a difference in their lives, our goals are centered around that. Life is never more rewarding than when you loose yourself in service to others!

 

 And... "real life" kicked in faster than anticipated! We got a couple calls from our agency while away... the system was being overwhelmed with children needing homes. We were asked to take on an 11 month old boy about 10 minutes before even pulling into our driveway! I did my best to get all our little ones unloaded, bathed and fed, car unpacked, and laundry started before they brought him to us. People think I am crazy when I take on more little ones, truth is... I think its even crazier that most can go about their comfortable, everyday life, without even a thought to the fact that there are 14,000 kids in the AZ system alone! Thinking that the little ones being removed from their homes- hungry, no clothes, scared, abused, filthy, neglected- are someone else's problem. Going day to day consumed with themselves, their clothing, their next home project, and nothing beyond the 4 walls of their own home. Don't get me wrong... caring for your family is a wonderful thing! But why does it stop there?! We are called, chosen, and sent to be the hands, feet, and heart of Christ. It is not always an easy transition to take on little ones but the heart it has given my children for the little ones we take in, the difference we are making, the example we are setting and the love we are sharing makes it beyond worth it! This little guy that came to us last night one of 4 siblings of a homeless, substance abusing, pregnant mother. He was scared, hungry and exhausted--- came into the system naked and dirty--- and into our home with a mere 5 diapers (which the state worker had grabbed for him) and nothing else. He is one of THOUSANDS in care right now needing just ONE person to step up... opening their arms, heart, and home. What are YOU going to do to help!?!?
                                 

Fathers Day

Our super hero, and his sidekicks!

Yes, I know, this is coming a day late... but still from the heart. Yesterday we celebrated the "Daddy" in our house. He not only is an amazing father to his own children but also goes above and beyond as a father to little ones without a father. I have always had a desire to foster but Chris's heart to do the same amazes me. He loves, supports, wrestles, laughs with and cares for these children as though they are his own. It is rare to find a man like that! Too many fathers are completely absent or just never around... it takes an incredible guy to step up and fill that gap! This year we chose a "Super Hero" theme... being that Chris is nothing shy of just that! He goes above and beyond the call of duty, saves the day, and is our very own Super Hero Daddy! So, a very HUGE and well deserved "happy fathers day" to Chris! We love you!!!

"My daddy is my Super Hero because...."

AivahLis: "Because he works so hard for us!"

Skyler: "Because he is an awesome daddy!"

Christopher: "Because he is my best friend!"

Talia: "Because he makes me laugh!"

Another Year Older

Today I turn 31. It's funny because last year I dreaded turning 30!! It just sounded SO old. However, it ended up being the HARDEST year of my life and worth every second of it. I have grown mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically! Every tear, pain, hurtle and trial brought me closer to God, my husband, and my family... in a genuine way. I struggled with self worth, people pleasing, and knowing God beyond the rules and regulations I thought I was to uphold. Now, I walk through stores and restaurants with my 7 littles knowing I am stared at like a freak and... smiling, knowing that my hearts desire is being lived out through foster care and adoption and I accredit that to no one else but God and his work in my life.  I look forward to spending my 31st year with the amazing friends and family, by my side, that have been my rocks, support and prayer warriors. I thank God for everyone in my life, the precious foster babies, an awesome church family, and the blessings and opportunities that still lie ahead. Dealing, healing and growing was worth every painful second and I thank God he brought me to that point in my life, despite the mistakes and pain it took to get me there! I pray that if you are struggling... you don't wait another day to deal. There is never a "right time" or even a "good time".... because, either way, its going to SUCK! But, I would much rather live life with a genuine smile on my face then live it like I was, smiling on the outside and falling apart FAST on the inside. Don't get me wrong, I struggle! I have days where I feel like I am falling apart again. However, knowing where I was (at the bottom and ready to call it quits on life) in comparison to where I am today-I KNOW I have what it takes. Its a daily battle worth fighting and the struggles just makes me that much stronger in the end. So, here is to another wonderful year filled with hurtles, hardships, babies, blessings, trials, tests, love, life, smiles, friends and family! Bring on 31!

Overlapping Dynamics

Well, today was an adventure! And by "adventure"... I mean nothing shy of a circus. My day began bright and early at 5:45am when little Mr. N decided that if the sun was up, he needed to be too. But, he rises just like the sun, bright and cheerful! He is now 8 months old and sporting his 24 month onesies. But every inch and pound of him is happy, smiley and fun! Anyway, By 6 am I had squeezed in a shower and was getting him a bottle and the rest of the house breakfast. My dynamics currently consist of my 9 and 6 year old girls, my 4 and 3 year old boys and our 3 foster kiddos 2 years, 1 year and 8 months. However, we were asked to watch the precious twins we fostered from birth to 4 months old (who are now 5 months old) from today until Sunday. Heck yes! We miss those precious babies! So, by 8am I had 9 kids (7 of them 4 and under!) Ummm, yup, I called in for some back up. By 8:30am my awesome baby sitter, Lexi was at my door! Between her and I we made it through the day and I must say, WE ROCKED IT! There was plenty of diapers, feedings and fun- but overall, it was a great day! Lex... you rock! By 2:30pm two of our foster babies were heading off to visit their soon to be adoptive parent for the weekend so... I was back down to my norm of 7 kiddos. All I can say is that if I wasn't prayed up, I know that this day would not have been as blessed, fun and manageable as it was. So, thank you God for your strength, peace and using me to love on the 9 kids you brought into my home (via birth, adoption, and fostering)!!!I must say that I have found, through definite trial and error, that putting my own desires and self aside and pouring into the lives of others is the way I choose to live my everyday and the true key to happiness.

Birth Mothers

                      

The past couple of days my heart has been weighing heavy for the birth moms behind each child we are fostering. We became aware of a recent (horrific) situation leading to the hospitalization of one of the birth moms, while another has been missing for months and another sitting in jail for a year and a half awaiting her deportation trial. As a mom, knowing how deep the love for your child runs, from the moment you hold them for the first time and  lay your eyes on their precious little face. If you are a mother, you now this feeling I am referring to. You know that there is nothing you wouldn't do for your child's safety and happiness. So, why are we so quick to assume it is any different for the birth moms of these little ones in the system? These woman gave birth, loved their children with everything in them... then somewhere along the line, hit rock bottom. Whether we who have our children struggle with anger and forgiveness, eating disorders, alcoholism, infidelity, or even self worth... we all have days where we feel that we have hit rock bottom. Lucky for us, we all have someone to turn to and even the knowledge of God- to cry out to for the healing or even the strength we need to endure another day! Most of the mothers whose children we have fostered or adopted have been trying to keep their heads above water all by themselves. Scared, hurting, abused... alone! We are quick to run with the preconceived idea that, "well, they screwed up so it serves them right to lose their child!" Fact being, we all screw up and if God has extended His unconditional grace to us in our darkest hour... who are we to pick and chose who deserves it and doesn't?! We are all alive, breathing and capable of helping those around us that NEED us. Most of us "mothers" are pleased to just raise "our children" and if we have fed them organic food, clothed them in the trendiest threads, and told them we loved them... mission accomplished! However, what about the moms who cant even give their kids a slice of 99 cent white bread for dinner, who is laying in a hospital bed because she was just used- abused-stabbed and beaten by yet another man she was hoping would just love her, who just dumped her baby on a door step because she couldn't handle it on her own anymore, who was born a drug baby- abandoned by her own mother-abused by her uncle who raised her and left alone to deal with the pain?!?!? Yup... these are all situation of moms of little ones in my home. I have been fostering these little ones and doing my best to love on them yet... what about their moms?!?! Why have I not even thought, up to this point, about how much they need someone?!?! I have hit rock bottom in my life. I turned to my God, my amazing husband, my loving family and unconditional friends. And that's where the difference lies... I have people in my life to encourage me when I feel like I am falling apart, to support me in my decisions, and to see beyond my mistakes and love me anyway! These moms have hit rock bottom and  stay there. Who are we to assume that they are not our problem?! If you are reading this post and you consider yourself a follower of Christ.... These woman ARE our problem and our responsibility. We are blessed to have the life we have, the friends and family in our lives. Its time we roll up our sleeves, put someone before ourselves and pray for a heart that breaks for the very things that breaks Gods heart... the lost, hurting and broken!

                              

Rockin' The Variety Show!

Aivahlis participated in her school variety show yesterday. She tried out with about 60 other children and made it into the show of 20 kids. You go girl!!! She chose one of my (more recently) favorite songs- "Gold" by Britt Nicole. This song is a daily reminder to remember how amazing you are despite you circumstances, what others tell you, or even what you tell yourself! This is a daily struggle for most young girls and that is mainly because ... their mothers struggle with the same thing. We, as adults, don't want to seem "proud" or even "conceited" so we assume it's normal for us to be hard on ourselves. Yet, on the flip side, we want our children to know AND believe how amazing they are! Well, you got to practice what you preach because as the saying goes, "actions speak louder than words!" This has been a HUGE challenge for me personally. I tell me girls how smart, kind, and beautiful they are, that God made them to ROCK this world for Him... NOW and everyday. So guess what- I tell myself the same thing and do my best, daily, to stand firm on that!!! I pray for you, your children, myself, and my children that you know and believe that you are worth MORE than gold!!!